How To Tame Your Temper When You’re About To Lose It

Instead Of Letting Off Steam, Remove Yourself From The Heat

If we’re at the boiling point and don’t want to be, the researchers suggest the equivalent of putting the lid on tight and removing the pot from the heat. When we decide to be calm, it is the equivalent of smothering the anger and denying it the oxygen it needs in order to burn. When we remove or distract ourselves from whatever is making us mad, we find our anger cooling off until, in many cases, we’re simply not angry anymore.

So when you’re beyond annoyed that the boss is making everyone work late again tonight, instead of venting over lunch with your co-worker and creating a list of additional grievances together, calmly say, “It sure is frustrating. So about these quarterly numbers…” And if the other person persists in venting, feeding your negative emotions, go back to your cube and force yourself to think about something else. Like the project you were working on. Or your upcoming vacation.

(A hint for husbands or boyfriends: given what we discovered in our research about how women are wired, if you have to remove yourself from an emotional conflict, be sure to reassure your wife or girlfriend that you two are okay and you’ll be able to talk about it later. That gives her the assurance of your love she needs to give you space without simmering and wanting to vent herself.)