The Surprising Trick To Creating A Positive Cycle With Your Spouse

The Practical Action Step: In marriage, look for opportunities to “rejoice with those who rejoice.”

Most of us have heard the challenge from the Apostle Paul (Romans 12:15) to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Clearly, both are important in friendships, family, community, and marriage. But looking at how God has wired our brains, the clear implication of these two studies (and many others), is to always be looking for opportunities to “rejoice” with your spouse.

There’s an important clarification here: These studies are not saying it’s healthy to try to jolly along an unhappy spouse and try to push aside their feelings. That will certainly backfire and is not what an unhappy spouse needs. But what these studies are saying is that each of us has a power in the life of our spouse that we may not have recognized: that as they share positive news and we get excited with them, we uplift not only them but the marriage.

So friends—listen to your mate. And yes, mourn with them when they mourn—but give special attention to cheering them on and celebrating the good events and experiences that come around.

We all took vows “for better or for worse.” How like God it is to give us such a simple and beautiful way to literally change our brains and our marriages for the better.