Does Marriage Matter? This Study Says Yes

Being “all-in” in the relationship is the secret sauce for thriving

In a previous article, I shared the importance and value of being “all-in” with your spouse. This new study affirms that. The results show that “a significant proportion of couples attribute their success to the fact they got married rather than remained unmarried.”

Here’s one reason why: Being fully committed—going “all-in”—means not being self-protective, but rather being open and vulnerable with your spouse. It means not having a Plan B in your back pocket “just in case.” It means trusting your spouse . . . and being worthy of their trust. It means not holding back, but giving all of who you are, and accepting your spouse for who they are, foibles and all. All of those things nurture a relationship. Where the opposite—holding back just a bit in order to protect yourself, having that secret bank account “just in case,” and so on—creates an ever-so-slight lack of trust that gradually and increasingly undermines the relationship instead.

By contrast, going “all-in” doesn’t just help a marriage last, it creates an environment where couples can thrive! When I surveyed couples for my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, I found that this attitude of holding nothing back was a strong contributor to the happiness of their relationship. So the reality is, the commitment that society considers a sacrifice of independence and freedom actually leads to greater relationship satisfaction.