OK, it’s my turn to ask a question: why do we think it is okay to publicly ridicule men as lazy, uncaring so-and-so’s who just don’t work as hard as we noble, all-giving, all-caring women? A friend showed me this e-card recently, and it made me steaming mad. For those who can’t see the image, it is a picture of an exhausted woman, with her hand over her eyes, and the caption, “You know that feeling of being able to... Read more
Last week, speaking primarily to women, we revealed the sneaky trap that will quietly but efficiently kill any marriage: Never, ever, ever think your spouse “shouldn’t” be hurt by something that wouldn’t hurt you. The same trap can and often does ensnare men. For both men and women, we often completely forget (or brush off altogether) the fact that we are very different, and thus have very different insecurities. Different doubts, worries, needs and desires. Which means: things that wouldn’t... Read more
“If I had heard this a few years ago, I wouldn’t be divorced today.” I can’t tell you how often I have heard that phrase. Most recently last weekend, after the worship services at a mega church in the Midwest. The pastor had interviewed me as the sermon on Restoring Hope for Marriage, and asked what my research shows are the most crucial marital actions to do – and to avoid. Afterward, several people told us they wished they hadn’t... Read more
While we women enjoy hearing our man tell us “I love you” often to reassure us of his love, men are not affected by hearing us say, “Honey, I respect you” but they do love to hear things like “I’m so proud of you” and “I trust you.” But signaling respect to our man goes far beyond those few words. In my research, I found that there are five demonstrative ways we can express our respect for the man we... Read more
This might sound odd, but I’m really, really grateful for my 16-year-old daughter’s car accident yesterday. Yes, you read that right. She got her license a few months ago, and is a careful, conscientious driver. She’s uncomfortable going five miles per hour over the speed limit. She also knows we are sacrificing to get her an old car to drive to and from school and sports, regularly says thank you for it, and got a summer job to help pay... Read more
Several people have passed along this hilarious GIF – but have also wondered why it strikes such a chord to see a little girl’s ugly tantrum and the caption “I need a man who loves me even when I act like this.” In fact, in a recent column, I explained to men (based on my For Men Only research) why this is a subconscious but very real hope of many women. And several men have told me they are understandably... Read more
Not long ago, someone we know got engaged via a multi-stage, elaborate proposal that had clearly taken an immense amount of thought and effort. A mutual friend, upon hearing the story, told him, “Good job. Only 9,999,999 tests left to go.” The lucky groom, of course, wondered: why do women “test” and “play games” with their men at all? He said, “She wouldn’t just tell me she wanted me to come up with something big like that. She said,... Read more
“How was school?” (Shrug.) “Fine.” “What did you do?” “Nothin’.” If this sounds familiar, join the club! Not only do I have two teenagers, but I’ve interviewed and surveyed about 3,000 of them for For Parents Only and other books, and discovered that the condition homo teenagesapiens silenticus (otherwise known as “being a teenager who is uninformatively silent”) affects many members of the adolescent species. Often, when we most want them to share! But I’ve also discovered that there is a... Read more
Whether you want to improve a difficult marriage or celebrate a great one, I’ve seen in all the research — especially for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages — that one of the best possible things you can do is to ask yourself: How did I meet my spouse and fall in love to begin with? You may think that sounds a bit nuts: how could that make a difference? It turns out, that one little action is powerful in... Read more
Men, in more than a dozen years of research about how guys privately think about things like sex and porn use, I’ve seen a striking pattern. Although nearly all men are visually tempted today, and many hate and struggle against the temptation, most of those same men also think of it as a private thing that has nothing to do with their wives. They may feel awful about it, but they really don’t understand why their wives would. As... Read more
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