Lackluster Sex Life? Be a Flirt!

Last updated on: August 10, 2015 at 2:13 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I were both pretty sexually inexperienced when we first got married, so everything about our sex life was new, mysterious and exciting. But now we have two teenagers and we both work full-time. When we find the time for physical intimacy, it feels very forced. Like we’re just going through the motions. And that old spark isn’t there outside the bedroom either. A friend suggested that we watch porn movies to get us back to the old excitement, but I’m really not comfortable with it – is that something we should consider? I just want us to be excited about our physical relationship again. It sounds like a cliché to ask what we can do to spice things up again, but… what can we do to spice things up again? Read more

Does being “all-in” mean not having boundaries?

Last updated on: August 5, 2015 at 12:04 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot. But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally. Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his conclusion and yours. Can’t boundaries be a healthy part of a happy marriage? -Out of Bounds Dear Out of Bounds – Well, first… thanks for... Read more

But women are visual too – right?

Last updated on: July 27, 2015 at 2:06 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I am irritated by all these generalizations that women should watch how they dress “because men are visual.” Well women are visual, too. There’s a hot guy at my office who works out by running the complex in gym shorts and no shirt during lunchtime, and I sure want to stand and watch. Or I catch myself daydreaming about him. And yet when that happens, I force myself to stop. But why is he out there in no... Read more

My Lady Is A Loose Cannon

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:11 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house. I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out with old friends who started bragging about their daughter. I could see my wife tense up, since our son who’s the same age has been... Read more

Spill Out Your Secrets To Fill Up Your Marriage

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:06 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that it was my “special” fund. I was to park the money someplace safe and use it only for me; she advised me not to tell my husband-to-be about it. I did what she said, mainly because I figured she had abundant experience of being married where I had none. Fast-forward... Read more

Did Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn REALLY break up because of “time?”

Last updated on: July 9, 2015 at 10:29 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

View image | gettyimages.com Dear Shaunti, My wife and I got into a “discussion” the other day that has me baffled. She’d read that Tiger Woods and his girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, said they broke up because they didn’t spend enough time together. I said that obviously wasn’t the real reason because no one actually breaks up over that. I’m not excusing the man’s past behavior, but it seems a little over-reactive to ditch him after several years just because you’re... Read more

I trusted him and he disappointed me

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:04 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, You and a lot of others talk about how much men need to feel respected and trusted. So I trusted him. And it blew up in my face. My husband, Hank, and I own a travel business. I am organized and like things done a certain way – and that way usually works. And Hank is a very competent guy, but since he’s pretty checked out these days I have no choice but to run things. But last... Read more

Complaining kills, but discussion heals

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:00 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll. And think in marriage it’s important to get things off our chest and let the other person know when they are doing something that bugs us. So I was delighted when I heard about this mathematician, Dr. Hannah Fry, who says complaining leads to strong relationships. I have always told my husband when... Read more

How do I deflate my teenage son’s oversized ego and curb the cockiness?

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 1:01 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I’m a single mom to two teenage boys, and because their dad was an arrogant man I’m highly sensitive to teenage cockiness. I really want to teach the boys humility. My 17 year old is fine, but my 15 year old is convinced he’s God’s gift to his school, every girl he meets, and the entire sport of soccer. It is driving me crazy. And the worst of it is: he actually is a great student, a charismatic boy, and an unusually gifted goalie. He works hard, but I feel like I can’t say “good job” because it will just go to his head. And he’s got such an inflated view of himself already. I feel like I need to let some of the air out of his ego by reminding him that he’s part of a team who are all doing well, or that his buddy got just as good grades as he did, or that the girl he liked was turned off by his bravado. But it hasn’t helped so far. What can I do to bring him down to earth? Read more

Should I read my wife’s texts?

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:13 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could have a fantastic marriage. The problem is me. I have no reason to suspect her of anything at all. In fact, I’m sure she’s never even considered cheating on me, but I’m extremely curious about who she e-mails and texts. If we’re together and her phone chimes, it’s almost impossible for me not to ask who it is, even though it has started to really bother her. Since I have no suspicions, why do I act this way? More importantly, what can I do to stop this behavior before it becomes a problem? Read more