Dear Shaunti, How do I get my wife to not play games, and just share what she’s thinking? Two days ago, we dropped off our youngest child at college, so my wife and I planned two days of empty-nester sightseeing on the way back. Yesterday was fine, but this morning, my wife seemed down, but she wouldn’t tell me why. It drives me nuts when she does that. I asked about four times, and finally she told me she was... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I feel like my husband is a total avoider. When we get into an argument, all he wants to do is ignore the situation and escape to the TV room. He doesn’t care that we need to talk it through. What can I do to get him to talk to me? Read more
Dear Shaunti, I read in your book that even happily married men struggle with looking at other women and even have images from the past pop-up in their minds. Does this mean that it’s OK for men to lust after women because they are wired this way? – Perplexed Dear Perplexed, No doubt about it, men notice attractive women. But let me clarify up front, there is a huge difference between a man who notices an attractive woman, and the... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I work long hours at a power plant, and my wife often sends me text messages or calls me about little issues happening that day. Like, a minor problem she’s having at the house. Or that our daughter skinned her knee at preschool. Or something came up with a dinner she’s planning. Usually, I can’t do much about it right then, which I know is frustrating to her. But that means she grabs me when I walk through... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I am definitely not the size I was when I married my husband. But honestly, 4 kids and 25 years later, I don’t see it ever happening. The problem is that I recently overheard my brother saying something about how happy he was, now that his wife was getting in shape. It irritated the stew out of me… but it also got me thinking. How important do you think it is to my husband that I’m not in... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I love my wife, but I really hate her “things you do wrong” list. I pull away to avoid it, but the more I pull away, the more tempted I am to check out of the relationship. During normal times, things are fine. But whenever we argue about something, out comes the list of the things she thinks I do wrong and she does right. I know that keeping score is dangerous and wrong, and I don’t want... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I’m 31 and single, with a successful career, lots of friends, and an outgoing personality. I tend to be a “go getter” but not in the area of men. In fact, I have never been asked on a date! EVER! Several men have told me I’m intimidating. I make more money than they do, have had to learn to fix things around the house and I’m pretty confident – but I don’t want to scare men off! What... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I’m in deep soup with my wife, and I don’t know why. We went out for a really nice dinner last night – an actual date without the kids. We were both excited about it beforehand, but by the time we got in the car, it was obvious she was bummed. At the restaurant, she finally told me why: “You knew I bought a nice new outfit for tonight, and you didn’t say one word about how I... Read more
Dear Shaunti, In the last few months, it has gotten so hard for my teenage daughter to talk to me. I learn everything from listening to her tell her friends. Yesterday I overheard her telling a friend about being a finalist in a writing contest at school. When I asked her about it, she said she didn’t want to tell me because she knew I’d freak out. But I’m excited for her—not upset! Why would she think I’d “freak out” over something so amazing? Read more
Dear Shaunti, I love my wife, but it drives me crazy when she obsesses over something minor, like whether she forgot to send in the money for our son’s field trip, or whether her friend is mad at her because she didn’t return a call. I’ve tried to get her to see that it is making her crazy, too, but she keeps doing it. How can I get her to stop? — Distracted by distraction Dear Distracted by distraction, Sorry,... Read more
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