Building A Better Horoscope

Why do we still read horoscopes? It’s not like we still toss chicken bones to see the future, or sacrifice virgins to ensure a good harvest, so why are horoscopes still a thing?

Because, done properly, they work. That’s why.

I’m a professional astrologer. I studied to be a counselor in college, and much of that skill set comes into play when I’m doing consultations (commonly called “readings”) for my clients. Unlike other forms of counseling, using astrology can save a lot of time getting to the heart of the matter. And yes — an astrologer who knows what he or she is doing can reasonably predict the future as well. The reason I’m an astrologer is that it actually works on a consistent basis. Yes, really. I ain’t no dummy. If astrology didn’t really work, I’d be off somewhere writing stuff that’s more useful, like reviews of thirty-year-old episodes of Doctor Who or something.

A bad horoscope is approximately as useful as a fortune cookie. A mediocre horoscope can be useful, but in a limited way. A professional astrologer writing a mediocre horoscope is a bit like that MD on your local news (“Up next: is this common kitchen item slowly killing you? Doctor Steve will explain!“) — a real doctor, but still of limited usefulness. I didn’t come here to write another half-assed horoscope. The Internet has plenty of those if that’s what you like. I’m here to give you real guidance using real astrology.

Some of you will be familiar with my work elsewhere (in which case, thanks for dropping by), and some of you will be new to my writing. Either way, come back here again — I’ll be giving you regular guidance as to what you can expect from life and the lives of those around you, plus all the usual stuff about your love life and work and money and such.

A new year is about to start, and I’ve had a look ahead at it. Believe me: you’re gonna need the help. But don’t panic. We’ll get through it together, okay?