Should Christians Love Themselves, Too?

Christianity is all about love. Jesus even summed up all the commandments into two: to love God, and to love our neighbors. But does this ever include loving oneself?

We live in a world that seeks self-fulfillment. In a technologically advanced society where we cannot even wait for a file to download, we want instant pleasures and satisfaction.

Wherever we read self-improvement articles, we also come across articles urging us to love ourselves. Social media feeds us with images of indulging in life’s simple pleasures. The message is clear: we should never forget to take care of ourselves.

In response to this, the Christian world has put out its own reminder. I read posts saying that the Bible never told us to love ourselves. We were told instead that we should love God.

While I’m happy for the Christian reaction against too much emphasis on loving oneself, I felt there’s also something lacking with this message.

The truth is that I see many people, especially those who are very religious who seem to forget to love themselves. They forget to take care of themselves to the point of not being able to continue their work. They neglect their own needs to the point of not being able to love others in return.

When you come to think about it, when Jesus said that we should love ourselves, He mentioned it this way: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31, NABRE)

When we are told to love our neighbor, it was compared to the love we have for ourselves. It is therefore implied that you must love yourself, too!

This love is natural for every human being. We naturally care for our needs and we have the tendency to overlook other people’s needs in favor of our own. But this doesn’ t mean that everyone is able to love themselves properly.

Think about women abused by their husbands. Or think about students being bullied by their peers.

Should we keep on telling them to love those who abuse them? To turn the other cheek? Or should we remind them that they also need to take care of themselves?

Does God love only their neighbor? Or does God also love them with a love that wants what’s best for them?

I also think about harsh people. The overly strict ones and the unforgiving ones. Those who notice every little mistake of others around them.

In my mind, some of these people only apply what they impose upon themselves. They are harsh to others because they have also been harsh to themselves. They are unforgiving to others because they can’t forgive themselves as well.

How do you even love your neighbor if you don’t know how to love yourself properly?

In the Book of Sirach (which is in the Bible), we can read the following:

“If one is mean to himself, to whom will he be generous?” – Sirach 14:5 (NRSVCE)

“But what about the saints?” some people may ask. Didn’t they commit great sacrifices for other people?

Yes, they did. And they were able to do so because they already had sufficient love for themselves. They knew also how much God loves them. And this love from God can’t help but overflow in their lives.

We should therefore never separate loving ourselves or our neighbors from loving God. Because it is through our relationship with God that we can love both ourselves and others.

Should Christians love themselves? God gives us wisdom and grace to love the right way. Through His love, we learn how to give love away.

And so I would like to use this opportunity to tell everyone who has ever felt that Christianity tells them not to love or value themselves, this isn’t true. God loves you! Always remember that. God never told us to do things that would be harmful for us in the long run. If He did, why would He be so concerned that we avoid hell and eternal separation from Him? God intead desires that we find utmost happiness and peace, that we reach heaven at the end of our earthly lives.

Let us set our perspectives straigth. Learn to love God first and above all. And then love our neighbors indeed as we love ourselves.

“Do good to friends before you die,
and reach out and give to them as much as you can.
Do not deprive yourself of a day’s enjoyment;
do not let your share of desired good pass by you.”
-Sirach 14:13-14 (NRSVCE)

You may also want to read “Does Christianity Put Too Much Emphasis on Suffering?”

Jocelyn Soriano is the author of Mend My Broken Heart, Defending My Catholic Faith and 366 Days of Compassion. She also writes about faith and writing at Single Catholic Writer.