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his morning I am still recovering from some shocking news I received. This past week a friend of mine from Seminary took her own life. She was a very kind women and one who loved Jesus deeply. She had felt the call to give her life in service of serving Jesus through serving others. She was a voice for justice and a preacher of the Gospel. She was a friend, and I feel the loss sharply today. Like myself, she was also a blogger. I wandered over to her blog today hoping in some way to try to make sense of what happened, although I knew I could never fully understand. Her last post reveals a bit of the struggle that I now know she lived with. It details her own reflections on how to help pastors who are struggling to keep the will to live, as she reflects on another minster named Teddy Parker, who took his own life last month. I thought I would share this bit of wisdom about how to care for our brothers and sisters in ministry. You will be missed, may the Lord lead you into his loving embrace. Here are the responses she encouraged us to make to help support pastors and leaders:
1. Give people permission and space to say “I’m not ok.”
2. Be a “safe person.” Meaning, when someone musters up courage to bare their souls and expose their hearts, be trustworthy, be loving and nonjudgmental and if you can, resourceful.
3. See pastors as “people who pastor” rather than “pastors who are people.” There is a difference. If pastor was no longer the profession, she/he would still be a person. Experientially I have been a staff minister (paid & volunteer) and in a few instances what I did/my work was important but my person/who I am did not. That’s enough to send anyone over the edge. Value people not simply positions.
4. Don’t assume the worst about people who end their lives. Ending their lives does not make them bad people. They are not selfish people. They are not weak people. They are not crazy people, they are not demon possessed. They are not Hell bound. They are people whose hope ran out, people who tried until they could try no longer. They are people who live with an illness, yes it is an illness, some illness is physical & some illness is mental. They are people who would have continued to live if they could. And most likely, it hurt them deeply to have to leave those they love.
5. Check in on people. It’s not enough to be aware of a person’s struggle and distance yourself from them, waiting for the next time they reach out to you or if it’s a leader just wait for their faith to kick in. Check in from time to time, ask how they are doing, be a friend.
6. Remember that it is not necessary nor appropriate for you to fill every space or moment with your words. Presence is a priceless gift to offer, just be there.
7. Some situations don’t need a bible verse. Nuff said.
8. The absence of a smile does not equate to the absence of faith, but often an indicator of pain.
9. The presence of a smile does not equate joy and the absence of depressive conditions. Some of us are skilled at putting our smile on like we put on clothing. Not every smiling face is content and at peace, sometimes if appropriate it is good to gently go a little deeper [with a person’s permission of course].
10. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Some will appreciate that because it opens the door for them to share their story, open their hearts and help you with “knowing” more deeply.
11. Never ever never, under any circumstances be trite or offer empty platitudes or clichés. Mental illness for some people, at given points in the struggle, is a matter of life and death.
via Suicide, Church Folk and Spiritual Leaders | The Journey….
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