A Thank You Note–Democrats to Republicans

December 5, 2015

Dear Republicans,

With only one-year left in the race, the time has come to formally thank you for handing us the 2016 Presidential Election. Having one of our own in the White House for the next four to eight years seemed like such an improbability when Hillary Clinton’s email scandal broke. She really did herself and our party no favors there! And let’s face it, even though she is, by far, the most qualified candidate in the race, the Clintons could not afford another political scandal. Their resilience is legendary but we thought email-gate was a bridge too far even for our staunchest supporters to stomach.

Just when we thought all hope was lost, you saved us. Donald Trump is just what the Democratic Party’s doctor ordered. He’s rich, mean, lies constantly, and is a bigot. AND HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO EXPERIENCE THAT WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND HIM TO THE OFFICE OF THE PRESDIENT! Your support of this candidate has taken us from life support to robust training for political marathons.

Of course, we could write more. For example, the current 9-point bump he’s received in the polls is, for Democrats, just too good to be true. But we’ll leave that for another day. With only eleven months left in the race we can see the light at the end of the victorious tunnel so this seemed to be a good time to write.

All our best, and thanks again!

The Democrats of the United States of America