Rejecting Religious Certainty

When someone turns their back on a religion, it often feels like a challenge to those remaining and an attack on the religion itself. When I left Atheism, I received responses similar to when I left both Christianity and my rebound religion, which was a blend of New Age philosophy and Raw Foodism (emphasis on the -ism because of its religious nature). Here are the three most common reactions to my apostasy:

1. If you had been a true [insert religious identity], you would have stayed.

In fundamentalist Christianity it is believed that no true believer would ever leave, therefore those who do, must have never been real Christians. There is the Once-Saved-Always-Saved theology, which insists that it is impossible to become Unsaved, therefore those who leave couldn’t have been Saved in the first place. In Raw Foodism it is expected that those who truly experience the joys of Raw Foods, would never go back to the Poison of Cooked Food. Similarly, if you become disillusioned with Atheism, you must have always retained some religious doubts regarding God’s non-existence.

2.  If you hadn’t been the wrong kind of [insert religious identity], you would have stayed.

In other words, the religion itself is true and perfect, but you did it wrong by falling in with the wrong group. If only you had gone to a different church or read the bible with a different hermeneutic or listened to another pastor, you would have stayed. There are also different ways of being a Raw Foodist. Maybe you should have tried a Fruitarian or even Breatharian approach. As for Atheism, perhaps if you hadn’t practiced with the Singularitans, you would have found what you were looking for.  

3. If only you would have persisted a little longer…

In all of my religions I was promised that breakthroughs were just around the corner. A little more praying and you wouldn’t have lost your Christian faith. You should have just “let go and let God.” As for your diet, if you had only followed a 100% raw approach for a full year, you would have felt so wonderful. In Atheism you can find rational explanations for just about everything, you just have to keep thinking and researching.

Let me explain that for you!

But it wasn’t my insincerity, the wrong crowd, or my lack of persistence. My problem was always that I couldn’t make sense of my experiences. Whenever something happened that didn’t fit into our religious paradigm, well-meaning believers would search for ways to make it fit. The explanations I was offered worked for a while, but eventually I felt like I was being squeezed into a religious straightjacket.

What is religion?

There are many definitions for the term “religion”. The one I am using is the one with which Wikipedia opens:

“A religion is an organized collection of beliefs,cultural systems, and world views that relatehumanity to an order of existence.”   

As such, Evangelicalism, Raw Foodism, and Atheism fit the bill. And yet I experienced all three rejecting the term for themselves.*

Evangelical Christianity taught me that my relationship with Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior was The Truth™ and therefore the antithesis of religion. Whereas religion was man’s pointless attempt to reach God, Jesus Christ was God’s way of reaching man. There were expectations that came with being a Born Again Believer, but they were seen as a natural response to Being Saved, rather than religious laws and rules.

Raw Foodism saw itself as the answer to nearly every imaginable health problem and a path to becoming super human. I ate a pure diet of uncooked foods, listened to podcasts by raw food gurus, and met with other Raw Foodists every Sunday to discuss our diets. Cooked foods were the sinful poison of the deceived masses. And yet we saw The Truth™ of Raw Foodism as something greater than religion, a way for all to have The Best Day Ever.

My third attempt at The Truth™ was rejecting religion altogether. Freedom from religion was my battle cry and I wanted neutral, objective reality. I turned to science to understand and separate religious ideas from hard facts. I learned to subjugate UPG – Unverified Personal Gnosis – to the epistemological authority of scientific studies. By the time I was invited to Rationalist lectures and study groups, I felt like I was once again scrambling to fit experiences into a religious framework.

Rejecting certainty

What I needed wasn’t so much freedom from religion, but freedom from religious certainty. Certainty goes hand in hand with not seeing a religion as a religion. I no longer think religion itself is the problem. What matters is how we practice and understand our religion. If we are so certain that we consider ourselves above and beyond religion, we are prone to create systems that leave little room for growth and mystery.

*  This it not true for all Evangelicals, Raw Foodists, or Atheists. There are also groups and individuals within each that embrace uncertainty, doubt, and mystery.