January 7, 2016

I’m back in Germany, surrounded by old patterns and old memories. It’s causing me to revisit old stories, old interpretations, old ways of looking at the world. I haven’t heard anyone referred to as kaputt in a long time, and up until now I had never given it a second thought. Now I feel the need to untangle the word, the ideas behind it, the worldview I once took for granted. Read more

December 28, 2015

I know I don’t ever want to go back. But I also know that I can’t discard my past completely. What I am seeking, is integration. Sometimes people return to the religion of their childhood in times of suffering and grief because it provides tools they learned in formative years. “Have you been to a funeral of a loved one when you were young?” Peter asks. I shake my head. Nothing comes to mind. He looks surprised. “But what about your grandparents?”, he probes. That’s when the memory comes back. Read more

December 18, 2015

Recently I was in a class in which we were going to practice aspecting. But the closer we came to starting our aspecting practice, the more uncomfortable I grew. Eventually I raised my hand and said I would be happy to tend others and support the practice, but that I myself did not want to aspect. Why did I opt out? Read more

December 10, 2015

“So, how many people are you currently dating,” my monogamous friend asked me last weekend.   The question took me off guard. I just stared at the curious expression on his face. The truth is, I rarely think about the fact that I am polyamorous anymore. I’ve been non-monogamous for half a dozen years now, and it just feels like the new normal to me. It’s only in conversation with monogamous people that I remember how unusual it is to… Read more

November 30, 2015

This growing has me engaging in all of my coping mechanisms. I’ve been withdrawing and overeating and working too hard. And yet ironically (or maybe unsurprisingly?) my love for my path is deepening through this struggle. So I continue to wade through fear and confusion, waiting for what is to come. This Advent I am not waiting for messianic light to cast out darkness. This Advent I welcome the light coming into darkness and residing there with me. Read more

November 23, 2015

By the following year I had officially become a vegetarian and a Thanksgiving curmudgeon. So I spent the next decade inventing new ways to celebrate the holiday without turkeys, family feuds, or food comas. Here are some Thanksgiving alternatives that have worked for me. Read more

November 19, 2015

Yes, there was a time when my binary thinking helped me take a step toward accepting my body, my sexuality, my gender. But this was something I needed, personally, at that particular season in my journey. I know that what I did not need was a bunch of trans-exclusive events and communities for my benefit as an abuse survivors. It infuriates me that the violence committed against my body and the body of other cisgender women continues to be used as an excuse for transphobia. Read more

November 9, 2015

I’ve tried many tricks to get through this dark season, but one thing I have been avoiding year after year: acceptance. Everything I do is aimed toward making me feel like I am back in the light part of the year. I install brighter lights and leave them on all day. I fill my days with appointments to mimic a busy summer schedule. I do anything to avoid slowing down. Read more

October 26, 2015

This year I am allowing myself to fall in love with Samhain. It’s not an easy season, but it carries within it the seeds of new birth. I take time to reflect on its gifts, the awakening to my sexuality just a few Samhains ago, finding a house on Samhain Eve that would become my intentional Pagan community two years later. Read more

October 21, 2015

I’m sitting on the plane with tears streaming down my face. I’m en route to San Francisco, going home from the 2015 Parliament of World Religions. I tried writing earlier while waiting for my flight, but just as I reached for my laptop, someone called my name. It was a group of Circle Sanctuary Pagans and I joined them at their gate. More Pagans found our little group and together we waited for our respective flights, ate, laughed, and shared… Read more

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