Political Violence: Lower The Temperature & Speak Truth, Too

Once again, political violence has people at odds. Here’s how you can lower the temperature in conversation by speaking the truth in love.

Over the past several years, political violence has increased. Reasonable people on both sides decry the use of physical violence. Yet did you ever stop to consider the spiritual and psychological violence we commit in the name of our truth? As Christians, we can’t avoid addressing the hard topics that center on justice, morality, and public life. But neither can we afford to fan the flames of political violence.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Sometimes, Christians worry that if they are too soft, they won’t get their point across. But in our harshness, we may grieve the Holy Spirit and provoke anger or even violence in others.

Why Lowering the Temperature Matters

Christians may fear that de-escalating a heated conversation may mean watering down their convictions. Rather, it means being good stewards of our own emotions and maintaining our faithful witness. People quit listening when they feel threatened. They turn on their fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reflex.

When people choose to fight, their violence is on them—but your provocation was real. Typically, people don’t decide to be physically violent if they haven’t already been the recipient of spiritual or emotional violence. And you don’t want that on your conscience.

Instead of fomenting emotional, spiritual, and physical violence, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Jesus didn’t back down from conflict. He didn’t refuse to call out injustice or immorality. But he tempered his truth with love so they could hear what he had to say.

Not Weakness, But Wisdom

I’ve written about this before:

In Use This One Phrase to Develop Empathy, I suggest saying “I can only imagine” instead of “I know how you feel.” This reflects humility rather than presumption and helps defuse defensiveness.
In Stop Dehumanizing and Demonizing Your Enemies! I warn that when we strip others of their humanity, we give ourselves permission to mistreat them. Jesus calls us to love our enemies — and that starts with seeing their humanity.
In When My Brother Is Wrong: 8 Steps to Peace, I emphasize that speaking truth in love requires finding “a time, place, and way to speak your truth without putting them on the defensive.”

This isn’t a weakness. It’s wisdom. The multiple accredited agencies that provided my professional de-escalation training agree: empathy, calm tone, open-ended questions, and refusing to meet negativity with negativity can help lower the temperature of a conversation. If you want to get people to see your point, you won’t get that done by shouting at them or using ad hominem attacks.

Two Rules to Hold at Once

If you’re going to be a peacemaker and lower the temperature of a conversation, there are two rules that you must hold at once. They are:

Don’t throw away the truth for the sake of peace. There are moments when you must do the right thing, and this means communicating plainly. While Jesus blesses peacemakers, Paul clarifies that peace at all costs is not peace at all. “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Our faith calls us to the truth. Remember that their reaction to truth is on them—but so far as it depends on you, say it as peacefully as possible.
Don’t throw away the person while you speak the truth. Demonizing language escalates conflict and makes reconciliation impossible. Even when disagreeing, affirm the other’s dignity. “Speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”

Practical Tools for Lowering the Heat

Here are some techniques from Scripture and professional de-escalation training that you can use immediately to lower the temperature in your conversations:

Start with empathy: “I can only imagine what that feels like.”
Ask and reflect: “Help me understand what you’re most worried about.” Then repeat back what you hear. If a dog bites you, it’s because he’s afraid. People are the same way. Address their fear to reach a place of peace.
Label emotions, not motivations: “It sounds like this issue makes you angry.” Naming feelings lowers intensity. This is much better than labeling motivations such as, “It sounds like you just want to do XYZ.”
Slow your tone and volume: Lowering your own voice invites the other person to do the same. As I say in Peacemaking: Looking Them in the Eye of Their Personal Storm, you’ve got to find your center to locate theirs.
Use “I” statements: “I’m worried about…” is less confrontational than “You’re wrong because…”
Separate person from position: “I love you, you’re my favorite cousin, and I also disagree.” This way, they don’t feel like you dislike them as a person simply because you disagree with their position.
Find common ground: “We both want safe communities” or “We both care about families.” If you can find something you do agree on, it makes discussing the area where you disagree a lot easier.
Know when to pause: “I care too much about this relationship to let us fight. Can we take a break?” In my article, “Be Angry but Do Not Sin”—How to Cope with Anger, I recommend an easy three-step way to do this.

Jesus’s brother James sums it up beautifully when he says, “Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness.”

What De-Escalation is NOT

Many Christians fear that de-escalation is remaining silent when evil speaks. This is absolutely not the case! As I wrote in When My Brother is Wrong: 8 Steps to Peace, truth matters—especially when harm is at stake. De-escalation is not remaining silent in the face of evil.

It is also not capitulation. If rhetoric crosses into threats or incitement to violence, devaluing human beings and depriving them of their God-given rights, then protecting people takes priority. This is why, as a believer, you must call out evil when you see it. But don’t do it by attacking the other person. Remember, speak the truth in love.

De-escalation is not defenselessness. This is why my article Best Practices for Church Security includes practical safety measures alongside de-escalation training.

So, What’s Next?

I’ve advocated using the phrase, “I can only imagine,” to develop empathy. Now, let’s use it to foster creativity. Can you imagine what it would be like if every Christian family gathering, church meeting, or social media exchange became a place where you could discuss challenging topics with soft tones and empathy? What if you could replace assumptions about other people with aspirations for finding a better way? If you’re a Christian, you were baptized into a family. So, it’s time to start treating your spiritual siblings like you love them.

Becoming Peacemakers

Jesus blessed the peacemakers. He knew that peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. (Jesus certainly had his share of conflict.) But he modeled self-control and didn’t try to yell louder than the other side. Jesus did the courageous thing—he told the truth in love, while lowering the temperature enough that others could actually hear it. And he expects us to do the same. In a culture where political violence threatens to become normal, becoming peacemakers may be one of the most important callings for followers of Christ.