Prayer In One Hand, Humor In The Other

Prayer beads and shared laughter showed me two ancient human powers that can interrupt violence with love.

What do you do to pass the time when your flight is delayed, and you’re stuck on the plane waiting? If you’re my wife, who has never met a stranger, you strike up a conversation with the man seated next to you. She wasn’t flirting—she noticed something about him that she knew I’d like to discuss and immediately connected us. The man, who introduced himself as Zaid, had been praying, counting his prayers on a tasbih, or a string of Muslim prayer beads. As I admired the beautiful wooden beads, he told me they were Moroccan, a gift from a teacher. I said that I, too, often prayed with rosaries and that I had a tasbih sitting in my car back home.

We talked for a bit about various kinds of prayer and meditation beads. He said some of his friends used a sort of counter ring that you clicked as you went through your prayers. I mentioned the Roman Catholic and Protestant rosaries, Buddhist mala beads, and the tasbih that I had used. We agreed on the importance of prayer and the freedom to embrace the wisdom of other cultures.

Killing Leads to More Killing

Zaid told me that, while he is American, his family is Syrian. He is a consultant and a comedian and travels when he can to do comedy shows for charity. Then, we discussed the events in the Middle East that are anything but funny. Hatred and war, bombs and bullets that tear families apart and only lead to more killing.

Violence as a Disease

In a recent NPR broadcast, Guy Raz interviewed Gary Slutkin, an epidemiologist and researcher of violence, who identified so many commonalities between the two that he said violence can accurately be called a disease. Just as disease spreads, so violence begets violence. And, like disease, the only way to stop violence is to interrupt it.

@zaid.fouzi Can we get baba more than 52 views? #arabtiktok #arab #comedian #standupcomedian ♬ original sound – Zaid Fouzi

The Power of Prayer

My new friend Zaid holds two great powers capable of interrupting violence—not with more bloodshed, but with love.

The first power, he literally holds in his hand. Represented by his tasbih, it is the power of prayer. While he and I come from two different faiths, our conversation showed that prayer has the power to unite even people who believe differently. Without ignoring our differences and declaring that all religions are the same, people can come together to trust their Higher Power in the spirit of love. Even if they don’t specifically pray together, they can respect the one love that has the potential to bring peace rather than violence.

The Power of Humor

The second tool comes when, as a comedian, Zaid holds the audience in the palm of his hand. It’s the power of laughter and of not taking ourselves too seriously. A good comedian knows how to laugh with others—not at them. He also knows how to refrain from taking himself too seriously.

Often, anger comes from taking ourselves too seriously. Someone steps on our toes, and we get offended because we think we deserve an apology. Not receiving one, we view it as our right to exact revenge. Taking ourselves too seriously prevents us from shrugging our shoulders, laughing, and saying, “Yeah, I guess my toes were in the way, weren’t they?”

What Prayer and Laughter Share

Prayer and laughter share a few things in common:

They keep you in the moment.
They lift you up so that you feel elated. And, when you feel good, you’re feeling God.
They unite you with those around you who share the same experience.
They pull you out of your head and back into your body.
They loosen what fear, grief, or stress have tightened.
They remind you that you are not alone.
They break through pretense and make room for honesty.
They keep us humble by taking us beyond self-control.
They break down boundaries between people.
They can be contagious in the best way.
However briefly, they both have the power to return us to something like innocence.
They are both forms of surrender.
They can rise up from places deeper than words.
You walk away better than you were before.

If we can learn from Zaid, we can hold two great powers for good in our hands.

@zaid.fouzi Palestine changed everything. @khanversationswithmoe ♬ original sound – Zaid Fouzi

I and Thou

One final thing we discussed, just before our plane took off, was the importance of treating other people with respect and dignity, as bearers of the divine image. Jewish philosopher and theologian Martin Buber called this an I-Thou relationship. When we sit next to another person on an airplane, we often treat that other person as an “it,” not a “Thou.” We resent it for taking up the entire armrest. Then, we hope it doesn’t infect us with that persistent cough. We reach across it to receive our complimentary beverage from the flight attendant (another it). But when we recognize the other as a sacred Thou, instead of seeing threats or obstacles or resources to use, we meet a fellow traveler in the world who is fascinating to befriend.

Today, Zaid reminded me of two powers each of us has. With prayer in one hand and humor in the other, we can face a world of conflict with love and friendship. Because it’s only when we do that, through small gestures on airplanes and speeches before crowds, that we can begin to change the world.