I haven’t heard this one before

I haven’t heard this one before September 17, 2011

As I checked out of our local retain store, the cashier and I had the following conversation–

Lady–“Wooooh, baby” as she stares at my pregnant stomach.
Me–No response because I am embarrassed by her comment.  Long awkward silence as I smile.
Lady–“You are pregnant, right?”
Lady–“Oh, good.  I was worried that you weren’t and that would have been really embarrassing.”

Me–just stupefied thinking, that comment was already embarrassing, but I just smile and nod.
Lady–“That’s definitely a boy in there.”
Me–“Actually, it’s a girl.”
Lady–“Are you sure?  You are carrying like you are having a boy.”
Me–“I carry all my babies the same way, and I have boys and girls, so I think this is just the way I carry.”
Lady–“How many do you have?”
Me–This is my 5th
Lady–“What are you a Pastor’s wife or something?”
Me–“No.  Have a nice night.”

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  • Harmony

    Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how people feel free to make comments about pregnancy in general… mostly seem well-intentioned, but what makes total strangers feel so free to give their input?

  • Feel your pain.u00a0 If it makes you feel any better….nhttp://megnanimity.blogspot.com/2011/04/limits-of-christian-charity.html

  • Brynne Sutton

    Sad but true, all of the negative comments I’m going to hear are making me stall on a fourth baby. u00a0Maybe I’m hoping that I’ll magically mature a bit in the next year so that I won’t scream at strangers in the grocery store for saying rude things. u00a0

  • Mary Alice

    At a recent wedding someone who learned I had six children said “Are you Amish?”u00a0 Given that I was wearing an up to date outfit and high heels, I am thinking that he doesn’t know much about the Amish…

  • Anonymous


  • Anonymous

    I liked this post.u00a0 I especially liked the line regarding giving complete strangers college savings account balances.u00a0

  • Jurismater

    I really think we have to ask for the particular grace to handle being blind-sided by comments and inquiries like these. I find that my ability to respond well depends so much on how I’m feeling–if I’m exhausted and self-doubting in the moment that someone comments on our family, I am hurt and mad and I brood. Andu00a0people’s comments can be so terribly-timed, like when kids are running loose in the parking lot and groceries are spilling into rain puddles.nnBut if things are going well in our daily life, it’s easier to use that positive momentum to respond cheerfully and joyfully. We really need special grace to do that, in those unexpected but inevitable conversations.nnFour isn’t even that many kids, but my kids are used to hearing comments now, and my oldest (who fancies herself an actress) sincerely thinks we are famous, since we are always being stopped. So I just say “see, there you go, God gave us four beautiful kids close in age and everyone loves it, they are dying to talk to us and ask us all about it!” I know the comments are going to continue, but one day the kids will be grown and I won’t be the one surrounded by kids anymore… may as well have fun with it now.nnWhile we’re on the topic, I thought the comments were nastier when I had 3 kids in 3 years, versus now with four kids in 6 years. I don’t know if it’s the spacing or the number or what, but now people count the kids and their reaction is more like “woah! four! OK then!”; before, it was more to the tune of “oh my __, are you crazy, there are ways to prevent that you know”. I think it’s much easier when people are incredulous, as opposed to disgusted. And maybe the larger your family gets, the more it’s incredulity?

  • Karen Bruner

    During our adoption training, I have learned different ways to respond to other peoples stupidity and bad manners. u00a0One way is to educate them, the other is to smart mouth back to them, and I forget the 3rd one. u00a0It was probably being nice, or something else that I did not think was very useful to remember. u00a0They trained us to think about how we are going to respond ahead of time to different people – ie family, boss, nosy cashiers.u00a0nnDuring Thanksgiving, I had one relative whisper in my ear, “You are going to get a white baby right?” u00a0I chose the educating response, though smart mouthing is usually what I want to do. u00a0A smart mouth answer would have been, “No, we are getting a purple one.” u00a0By educating I feel like I set the boundaries, make a difference and hopefully, end the stupid questions. u00a0Other times for the sake of yourself and your children (when present), you just need to be a sternly close the conversation. u00a0I told her that, “all babies look the same on the inside.” u00a0She has never asked me another such question again. u00a0Hopefully, she won’t ask more questions. u00a0nnAsking questions back is always another good option too. u00a0If I was feeling patient, I could have asked my relative, “Why do you think it is important for us to ‘get’ a white baby?” u00a0Most people just aren’t thinking. u00a0They are curious, and probably lack social skills.

  • La Sandia

    If I was in that sort of situation, I would ask the cashier if I could speak to her manager, then tell him/her that I refuse to patronize the store again unless the cashier is disciplined for her comments. u00a0Maybe not the “nicest” approach, but what can you do about such rudeness?