Dispossess yourself from the demon called feeling

Dispossess yourself from the demon called feeling November 20, 2020

Sergio Toppi Tarot, limited edition, 1988 (Photo: Camelia Elias)

‘Unless it’s in your head first, it’s not in your body.’ This is what I say to myself, as I look at a string of three cards. Sergio Toppi’s Tarots are on the table, as Friday seems to be a regular day when I get booked to perform haiku oracular readings. This suits me just fine, as I like the economy of the language of freedom and constraint, the freedom to see spontaneously what arises from the cards, while also being very aware of the nonsense called ‘the spontaneous.’

I use this word all the time, ‘spontaneous,’ as an enticement that when we look at something we try to activate our sense of discovery first, before we interpret what we see the cultural way, which is a thing of bias. Though, upon closer inspection, it doesn’t take the skills of the rocket scientist to realize that as soon as we name something, we’re right there in the grip of language. How can naming be spontaneous? We wish…

I think of the sages, the ones who faced a wall for 9 years on end. They were looking for an answer to the spontaneous. They found one, but it’s not popular. The world wants to feel. Feel deeply. Feel something that warms the heart… Although I don’t have the skills of sitting like the sages, I suspect that going from feeling to feeling, from emotion to emotion is a rather trite wheel of fortune, turning delusions round and round, instead of pulverizing them. We’d need the speed of light for that. Now there’s an idea…

Here’s what I’m thinking while looking at my cards with the desire to know if a delivery from the UK will happen today. The app said, ‘it’s out with the courier.’ The app of the app said, ‘it’s in transit.’ The app of the app of the app said nothing. That one lost the tracking number all together. Man, how I laughed at this mise-en-abyme, this regression ad infinitum.

Sergio Toppi Tarot, limited edition, 1988 (Photo: Camelia Elias)

I get the card of the Car first. The nagging suspicion that it won’t happen is prompted by the interdiction sign below it. ‘You wish,’ the card of the Moon then says. There’ll be more turns and round abouts for it to arrive today, the Wheel of Fortune finally shows. So I predicted that my package won’t be here. It’s still early days though. I’ll have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, these cards did prompt me towards checking with my obsessions. My feelings about it ran deep. Man, it all felt so real. Though, sadly for me because it’s entertaining, since I’m a deconstructivist, such deep emotions don’t last very long. I start laughing at myself to the point where I fall off the chair. Which makes me think of the world at large, and at just how much space we’d have in the head if we were dispossessed by the demon of possession called ‘being grabbed by feeling’ – as if that’s a good thing. Ever. Oh, wait, where’s my chair… I’m falling off it again. Soon I must start sitting like the sages, on the floor, so I can avoid falling off furniture every time I have a fit of laughter.

But so it goes. Try vanquishing the demon of feeling for a day, and see how far you get with your readings, your head, and your liberated body from the tyranny that it must move on command, the command that says: ‘feel something now, because that’s so cool and creative…’ Try to believe nothing at all for a day, and be surprised: ‘oh, wow, where have all my delusions gone?’ Feel that, and then breathe.

As an alternative to staying tuned, when I send you to Aradia Academy, here’s a list of interviews and podcasts. Just yesterday someone asked if I had one such. That was a nice request. I don’t have a long list of all the interviews I’ve featured in, but I do have a list. You’re welcome to it too, in case you want to spoken word for a change.

About Camelia Elias
Camelia Elias, PhD & Dr.Phil., is a former university professor. After 20 years in academia, she left her career to pursue her interests in teaching and writing on the philosophy and practice of reading cards. She works with contemplative arts, oracular language, and martial arts cartomancy and Zen at her own school, Aradia Academy. You can read more about the author here.

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