‘Mega proud,’ a parent says about the graduating progenitor. Another, the same. And then again: ‘I’m so proud of you.’ There is simply no end to how proud parents are of their children on their graduation day. I look at the pictures they take on the occasion. Most of the children look awkward and embarrassed. Not so the narcissists. But the regular kids are clearly uncomfortable. I bet they’re thinking what I’m also thinking about their parents, ‘if you’re not proud, then what’s the alternative? Must you be proud at all, as the inverse of disappointment?’
See, the trouble with the proud game is that it’s too proud. In this manifestation the proud game entertains the ones who pave the road to hell with good intentions. Imagine the children who disappoint their parents – which they are bound to, as per the nature of things. What then?
I often read the cards for parents who are worried about their children’s final exams. Most of the time the cards say: ‘Let them be. If they pass, they pass, and if they don’t, they don’t.’ But this whole business of the proud game is strong business. It has to happen, the pride, that is. The parents are adamant about that, even though not a single one of them will admit to being eager about it. If the children end up disappointing, what would the graduating story look like? What would grandma think? The one who worked so hard for generations? What would the neighbours say, not to mention the friends and the extended family? Ay, the pressure.
I don’t have any children, and I’m very happy about having dogged that bullet. But I look around and I don’t like what I see at this time of the year, the obligatory pride that must absolutely go into a graduation. Christ almighty. I feel sorry for the kids. Even the narcissists. No one deserves other people’s expectations laid on them so heavily for no good reason other than, well, the feeling, which is not a reason, that one has to be proud…
For a practice with the cards, I suggest the following: ask your cards about the kind of conversations you want to have with your children, if you’re a parent, conversations that completely eliminate the pride business, the disappointment business, the elevation business, the shame business. Yes, it’s all a business, in case you haven’t noticed. Ask your cards about how you can have an intimate encounter with your children that doesn’t involve the obligation to engage with false validations. If the kids are not intelligent, just tell them that, and then point out that there’s always a specific kind of education that would be suitable to both their abilities and their limitations, in case they tried doing things above their comprehension. If they’re bright tell them that too, but leave out the empathic, ‘oh I’m so proud of you.’ For, indeed, what’s the alternative? And what of the time when this alternative will present itself, because it will without fail, the alternative that’s called doing something that will be at odds with others’ expectations.
Ask your cards about how you can pave a better road for your closest than the one that leads to lies and pretensions. Your children will thank you for it. I was thinking about the useless validations everyone thinks they need to either have from others or give others for no other reason than because people have started thinking in validating terms. While it may look like the world is a place for endorsements, for mutual encouragement in the name of the game in vogue, the reality is that, when it comes down to it, the world is still about minding one’s own business. If you want success, you won’t find it in the shallow exchanges of mutual validations. You’ll find it in knowing your place and acting from that place to the best of your ability.
I looked at the cards I got above pertaining to a graduation celebration. Most of the court cards showed up, as if to attend to the single Ace of Hearts in the picture. People like to get together for that, for the big family feeling, but sometimes what one needs is the suit of Spades at the bottom of the row staying strong on their position of doubting and suspicion. It may be that the Queen of Hearts flanking the Spades family would like to see the Jack and the King of Spades move with the love she’s all about, but why would they? They are there to keep order, and that includes the order of both thoughts and emotions. While it may well be that no one can order emotions around, the reality is that awareness can. Try it. Just be aware. Next time someone flings the ‘I’m so proud of you’ emotion to you, ask them a question that invites them to be aware of just what it is that they are saying. That should do it.
Congratulation to all who graduated this year, and congratulations to all who didn’t. Giving and receiving accolades about an effort made is not about pride. It’s about acknowledging a contribution and the satisfaction it gives the one who makes it.
♠
For more such practice with the cards, join the Read like the Devil Practice Club. Visit also Aradia Academy and sign up for the newsletter that will keep you informed on upcoming courses and cartomantic activities. Note the Off the Shelf offering that also includes free resources.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In