Mark Writes
As Catholics we celebrate our new year on the first advent of December. Most everyone else celebrates it on January 1. My own personal new year is on January 27. But my wife and I celebrate our joint new year on January 2. This is the day we stood before our family and friends plus the priest and most centrally and importantly God almighty and made vows to one another. Vows making a public declaration that we would be committed to one another exclusively for the rest of our natural lives. 2024 will mark 14 years of a committed marriage relationship with one another. Which is why both of us are contributing reflections on 14 years of marriage.
When we both got married in 2010 we both had different ideas of what our marriage might look like. For example we thought we might have more children when in reality we have one adopted daughter who won’t talk to us. I was working at CatholicTV, something that combined two degrees I had earned in undergrad and graduate school. Now I’m working at a nursing home in the kitchen. Kristin has had a few jobs over the course of our marriages but is currently on disability and doesn’t work although she wants to. We both get tired from lack of sleep and energy when in 2010 and earlier we were more social and active in doing things. No, this isn’t what we expected our married lives would be like. But one thing hasn’t changed. Our genuine love and commitment towards one another founded on a solid Christian friendship.
When there are no romantic feelings you still have friendship.
When you can’t have sex or can’t be physically intimate you still have friendship.
When you don’t feel all gooey inside when you see your beloved, you still have friendship.In marriage you have a committed on-fire friendship that is sealed with a commited vow.
From my experience that is what makes a good foundation for a marriage.
And now here we are 14 years later still married and loving one another.
Here is a poem I wrote about Kristin when we first got married when she was working at a shoe store.
The poem is simply called
Kristin
The sparkling green emerald isle shined in the ocean of her eyes
Dublin, Belfast, Cork and Danny Gal sprang from her lips as she pranced around the room
Singing a beautiful tune off key to the ears but not to the heart of the one who hears
Her rosary beads wrapped around her small dry hands,
Were ready to invoke the presence of the cross into her soul
At the moment she uttered the mantra of meditation
In the atmosphere of silence she engulfed herself in.
The boots and shoes flowed out her hands
On to the feet of the various stockings that walked
Into Walking and sat as she waited to serve and Earn
The upkeep of her necessary material existence in wait of her
New everlasting one
Her loved one comes home from helping the Word spread
Across the wide wild world with a word of her own
To their unitive bound
Both written and expressed with a kiss
She is quiet now, laying down in her room
Not wanting to visit noise or game
Lying in her silent prayer
As her God caresses her soul
And her Husband writes about it
I asked my lovely co-writer at the Catholic Bard to compose a written memory of when we first meet as last September was our 30th anniversary of having first meet as young adults at Fitchburg State College. She procrastinated (much like I do a good amount of the time) but she finally got it done and I include it here as part of our reflections on our wedding anniversary. Here’s hoping for many more years together.
Kristin Writes
It was my first time attending Mass at the Newman Center. I was new, living away from home for the first time. I sat toward the back of the church. Catholics I have known seem to prefer it that way.
That day there was a gentleman in the front. In my estimation he was tall, thin, and figited, singing and responding loudly. I watched him. Yes, I get distracted easily. I could not guess his age and wondered in silence if he was a student. I thought I’d like to meet him and wondered if he had a disability.
I would not go up and introduce myself. I had not broken out of my shell thus feeling awkward and shy. As it happens it was only a few days later while walking into the school cafeteria that the young man began talking to me. I responded back though our topic of conversation was a bit too foreign to me at that time in my life. I feared that no matter how I answered the question he asked I could still offend him.
“What’s so great about being straight?” he asked. Yeah, where and when I grew up “kids” did not come out of the closet until after high school. You did not put people on the spot, total strangers, regarding sexual orientation. I played it safe and responded “procreation.” Well it was after high school, but only just.
Anyway that was thirty plus years ago and though we both did a lot of growing up since then, we have now been married for 14 years and have lived in our new home for two.
Well that is how Mark and I met over thirty years ago now. Hopefully within a month or less we will be making out our will. You never know what will happen and when. I know this sounds rather morbid for a reflection on 14 years of marriage, but we hope to spend all eternity together in the presence of God in our heavenly homeland. Until then we hope to enjoy whatever time we have left together on this earth and hope that we have several more anniversaries to write reelections on.
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