Church:  Where kids learn from adults and adults learn from kids

By Rev. Cynthia Insko,

If you have spent any time with young children you know their favorite question is, “Why?” I’ve discovered through the years that this question is one of the most precious things that children offer us as we worship together.

Why do only men take up the offering plates? Why do people laugh when children answer questions during the children’s sermon? Why do I need to pay attention during the sermon? Why do we dunk people all the way under water in baptism? Why are people quieter in the sanctuary than in other places? These are only a few of the excellent questions my young friends have posed to me.

The question ‘why’ that children bring to worship helps us to think carefully about our habits and rituals that we often move through without much thought or preparation. They also challenge us to consider whether our practices truly reflect the theology we teach. Why do we ordain women to ministry but only men pass the offering plate? Why do we tell children they are so important to us and then belittle them by laughing at their sincere answers? Some of these ‘why’ questions admonish us to do better!

When teaching children about worship I try to anticipate the ‘why’ and explain to them before, during and after worship why we do what we do as a Body of Christ each Sunday. In attempting to answer questions the children’s pose, I’ve discovered that adults, too are hungry to ask “Why?”.

In the six years I have served as Minister to Children at FBC Frankfort, the congregation and staff has been generous to allow me to try some new things to support our children leading us in worship. The following story is one of many examples of how children help us worship.

This year 17 of our 300 active church members died after living long and faithful lives. It has been a year of grief and all of us, including the youngest, feel the loss. I anticipated the children asking, “Why did so many people die?,” “Why can’t we talk about our sadness in church?,” “Why were all of these people so important?”

With the help of some of our lay people who make banners, three years ago we began a tradition on the first Sunday of November, All Saints Sunday. The children process in carrying banners, each with the name of one of our church members who has died that year. Meanwhile the congregation stands and sings “For All The Saints” as the banners are displayed throughout the sanctuary for the remainder of the service.

Several weeks prior to the service our children read about each of the people who died. They discover from the deceased’s loved ones what hobbies they enjoyed, ways they served in the community and in our church and how they will be missed. The children then carefully create a banner that uniquely represents each of the departed. While we are making the banners we are answering “why?”

Our conversation gives voice and vocabulary to some of the questions and answers. These people were old and full of years. We are sad and we miss them but they are still with us in our love and memories. The Bible tells us they are cheering us on as we seek to faithfully live and love as Jesus did.  We all mourn together. We miss them. And we celebrate together because they showed us how to follow Jesus.

Through this new tradition our children have come to value the contribution of those who have come before them. They treasure the older people in our church as examples of faith. They also see that we can come to church not only with our joy but also with our grief and that worship can be a place to express a wide range of emotions and experiences together.

Our adults have learned about All Saints Sunday which we had not observed in the past. They experience comfort and pride as our children recognize the faithfulness of their loved ones. They see hope and promise in the faces of these youngsters who take their role in this ritual so very seriously year after year.

Recently, one of our ministers visited the home of a recent widow. He noticed she had carefully placed the banner representing her husband on the wall in her living room. In that central spot, she could see it often, remember her loved one and know that as the children led in worship, they too remembered.

I am grateful to be part of a church where children learn from adults and adults learn from children, for such is the Kingdom of God.

Rev. Cynthia Insko serves as Minister to Children and Spiritual Formation at First Baptist Church, Frankfort, Ky.