One of the things I want to do with this blog is to share my own magickal journey. While I might be a teacher, I am also a student of the world, of the moon, of the stars, of my heart, of the love spell of life, and of the energies that emerge as I open.
I am always learning. I am ever looking at my beliefs and wondering if they’re still true.
Some of this exploration is quiet and contained, held closely before I let it out in the sun. Before I share it as something of value or truth. After all, I need to find my own answers and know my own experiences intimately.
All of this informs the Witch I am becoming and the Witch I am. And, hopefully, the Witch that I have already been.
Change in motion, often born of failures and trauma. Cracking in the beauty of unescapable sunlight and the dark of the new moon.
Waking Up to Something New
Resilience is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness,” Oxford Dictionary.
Resilience has been my word of the year for several years.
I’ve always known I was strong, but I didn’t know how strong I’d need to be.
For a while, I fought it. I caved in. I hid. I did the things I had to do, but dissociated when things were hard. I did everything I could to NOT FEEL ALL THE THINGS.
Secretly, I wanted someone else to make my feelings go away. I wanted someone to love me enough and perfectly enough so that I would feel better.
The other day, I found a quote that is the realization that I needed: No one is coming to save you. Get up.
I can apply this to my life, to the world, and to the community in which I make magick. While we are bound together through common practices and beliefs, we need to do our own work too. We can’t rely on other to save us, especially from ourselves.
In my current state of being, this is what I know to be true: it begins with me. The spell that I am begins with the way I come back to myself, hold myself, and trust my self. It is not a simple task. My brain fights me every day. It still believes that if it can think things through enough, it will know the ‘right’ answer.
And that’s its job. But the constant thinking is a distraction. It feels good to do something, but that something impedes the flow of surrender.
Maybe we aren’t going to know an answer immediately or in a certain timeframe.
Maybe we aren’t going to understand the answer we do find.
Maybe we just need to show up anyway.
A Spell to Begin (Again and Again)
I’ve been meditating every day for a while now. It doesn’t really matter how many days or if they’ve been consecutive. It’s not a contest. What I will say is that I’ve been consistent, found something that works for me, and have started to see the impact of slowing my mind. (And I’ve found it so fascinating that my mind fights this ‘time off’).
When my alarm goes off or when I wake up, I take a deep breath. I think into the day ahead. I scan my body for information about dreams and images.
I take my phone, put in my headphones and turn on a meditation track. I settle into bed, still laying down, and allow the track to guide me to stillness. Some say you should sit up, but I want to stay in the dream space. I will say that if you have a propensity for falling asleep after waking, you may want to sit up. Or not.
The meditation only takes 10 minutes. When I finish, I let my body guide me to see if I’d like more time to integrate my consciousness into my body. Sometimes, I’ll get up after this and start my day. Lately, I’ve been doing breathwork.
Again, I use a track on my phone to guide me. I might do 10 or 20 or 30 minutes. I don’t hold fast to any schedule. Again, it’s more about consistency than ‘winning’ at meditation/breathwork time.
One of the things I love about the meditation freebie I found is the ending of each session. At about a minute to go, the speaker says something to the effect of “no matter what has happened up to this point, begin again.”
Let your mornings or wherever you feel beginnings be the place of starting where you are. With a still body and an intentional breath.
Just begin again.
More on specific, step-by-step practices to come. In the meantime, I encourage YouTube resources and free phone apps.