Cultivating a Relationship with Deities

Cultivating a Relationship with Deities May 29, 2021

The way I build relationships with the godds has refined itself over the years.

Sometimes, I am attentive. Sometimes, I’m distant.


At first, I felt flawed. And the more I stepped into my power, the more I saw myself as divine, the less I worried about making mistakes.

I turned my focus on using what I already knew of relationships to inform my practice.

I shifted away from supplication and toward devotion.

Away from hierarchy and toward reaching out.

Holding the hand of those who call my name, whose name I call.

Whose names I didn’t know until…

Like a love that arrives when the heart is ready.

CC0 Public Domain

What I’ve Learned about Relationships (so far)

Excerpt from “Pagan Portals: Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow and Messenger of the Godds”

Not all relationships are the same, true. But all relationships need attention. Even in this moment, I can think about my relationships with deities and the attention I offer to them. I feel closer to those who I devote more time to and I feel less close to those I only wave to from time to time.

In the overall scheme of relationships, the more attention I devote, the more the relationship works for me. While this is what is said of humans, I believe this to be true of deities too.

The more I spend time with Iris, the more messages I receive. The more I follow the messages I hear, the more I feel her in my life.

So, why say all of this? Well, I say this because relationships take time. And it’s easy to get frustrated when you’re first working with a deity and it doesn’t feel powerful all the time. I’m going to make sure you’re building a strong foundation for your relationship so you know you are doing all you can.

And, to be fair, just as with humans, some deity relationships don’t work out the way we imagine them to work out.

Kinds of Deity Relationships

The best way I can describe relationships with the divine or mysterious ones is to remember there are different ways we are drawn to each other.

  • The deity that jumps in your face
  • The deity that you seem to be drawn to
  • The deity you work with for a certain purpose
  • The deity you ‘have’ to work with

(These are the most common scenarios I’ve experienced or heard of.)

You may have been thinking about Iris and then found this book and then realized you needed to be in a relationship.

You may have been drawn to Iris so you started seeking information about her.

You may want to work with Iris because of a quality she offers.

You may have to work with Iris for a project or a class.

All of these are valid and wonderful reasons. All of these are legitimate. But not all of these require the same sort of focus. For example, when you work with a deity for a certain purpose or project, it is wise to put enough attention for the relationship to be reciprocal, but you don’t have to go on about your relationship forever.

When you’re called to a deity or they call to you, I think it wise to give as much of your attention as you can. That seems kind, compassionate, and caring. It also recognizes that you are not the only part of the equation.

I bring this to the forefront so you can be clear, again, about your expectations. What are you seeking from this relationship? What do you think a deity is supposed to do? What do you think you are supposed to do in return?

The more you can figure this out, the more easily you can create a delightful and meaningful practice.

What about Your Relationships?

(moving away from the excerpt now…)

I invite you today to think about the relationships you have. How you are paying attention. How you are showing up. What boundaries you need to make them work. What ways you can soften to offer them a gentle place to rest.

Reaching out your roots to their roots.



“Pagan Portals: Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow and Messenger of the Godds” comes out via Kindle on June 25, 2021, in print on July 1, 2021. You can find it through all the places that sell books. I also have a Bookshop storefront where you can support local bookshops. Or you can order a signed copy through me at



About Irisanya Moon
I’m a Witch. I’m a writer. I’m a priestess, teacher, drummer, feminist, and initiate in the Reclaiming tradition. I serve the godds, my community, and the Earth. I’ve called myself a Witch for nearly 20 years, and my life has been infused with magick. I am interested in shifting stories – the ones we tell ourselves and the ones that are told about us. I’m continuously inspired to engage as the storyteller and the story, the words and the spaces between. I am a devotee of Aphrodite, Hecate, the Norns, and Iris. I seek to find love and to inspire love by reminding us we are not alone, while also meeting myself at the crossroads, holding the threads of life, and bringing down messages from the godds. (I've also published some books. You can get them at my website.) You can read more about the author here.
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