Sacrificial spousal love is rare. It’s like finding a diamond buried in a vast desert of shiny objects. It’s not hard to find information on how to have a better marriage. It seems every week someone writes a sermon, book, or **cough** blog regarding marriage. Much of this information is good and even useful. But the real gem is when you can talk to a couple that really understands what a sacrificial marriage is and then to be exposed to what that looks like. It’s powerful.
Prior to being married, I was a bumbling idiot (edit: I’m still an idiot i just don’t bumble quite as much as I use to) who didn’t know up from down. I thought BLTs were healthy and “chest of drawers” was pronounced “chester-drawer”. Let’s just say I’ve learned a lot since I got married in 2009, and, not just about sandwiches and bedroom furniture. I’ve learned that love is a conscious choice we make, not just a feeling. I’ve learned that pain is how you grow and most importantly that true love is sacrificial.
Although I am well too versed in Christian-ese to say it out loud, I used to think that marriage was easy. I knew what love was. I knew how to honor my wife. I knew what to do and not what to do. It’s basically hanging out, right?
6 years later, I’m just starting to learn it’s much deeper and mysterious than that. Consider the words of Paul as he gives simple, yet profound instructions, to husbands:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ” (Ephesians 5:25-30 ESV)
I am not the right person to break down the all the mystery and beauty in this passage. But what I can pick out, as a husband, is that we are to….. well, die.
More than that, the example we have as husbands is Jesus Christ Himself. The same Christ, who emptied Himself of the fullness of God to become despised and rejected to the point if brutal execution on a cross. The King of the universe who was born in a barn. The Eternal God who washed the filthy feet of his disciples. Our Savoir and our Everything. Great love is and will always be sacrificial.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, ESV).
That in a word is…overwhelming. I’m not Jesus. How can I be expected to replicate what He did?
I don’t know the answer to that question and I think if I did it wouldn’t fit in a book, much less a blog. But, I do know that actively trying to figure that out every day is the great starting place. To make a conscious choice to love means put to her needs in front of mine and making decisions in her best interest. I do not do this well. But, I can hope I do better than I did 6 years ago and try to reevaluate how I am doing constantly.
I think another key phrase/take away from this passage is that Christ “nourishes and cherishes” the church. Paul says we are to nourish and cherish our wives in this way. Consider what it means for us if you think about what Christ is for His Church. He feeds her. He is her life support system. He washes her. He supports her. He equips her. He leads her. He cares for her. He listens to her. He prays for her. He protects her. He teaches her. He completes her.
Only Christ can ultimately do these things for you and your wife. But you can position yourself to be a key usable instrument in the Redeemer’s hands (This is the title of a great book if you have not read it). We are to model the example He has given us and trust Him for the results.
Husbands, today I encourage you to consider what true sacrificial love looks like and how you can apply that to your marriage. We must wake up every day pondering what it means to die to ourselves and be the voice, hands and feet of Jesus to our wives.
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