How Should a Pastor Officiate a Wedding?

Are there certain ways that a pastor or minister should officiate a wedding? What are the guidelines?

The Traditions of Marriage

I love tradition and some of the weddings I’ve had the privilege of officiating had some of the most beautiful vows I have ever heard and came complete with the most cherished traditions I’ve ever seen. Things like the father giving the bride away, the couples throwing rice or better yet, bird seed at the newly married couple, the bride tossing the bouquet, the mixing of different colors of sand into one glass container thereby signifying the two have now become one in mind, purpose, unity, harmony, love, service, devotion, and faithfulness. Many couples write their own vows. Others love the traditional marriage ceremonial wording. There is nothing wrong with tradition if it isn’t contrary to the biblical model and definition of marriage but this is part of the “How should a Pastor Officiate a Wedding?” article that will be explored in the following paragraph.

The First Marriage

God looked at all He had created and declared it good (Gen 1:31) and if God calls it good, it must be off the charts incredible, awesome, and amazing but there was only one problem; God said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen 2:18) since “there was not found a helper fit for him” (Gen 2:20). The word used for “fit” as in for him (Adam) it means “what is conspicuous” or “what is in front of them” from the Hebrew word “neged.” It is not the idea that the woman is inferior or less than man. That is not what the Bible teaches because “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ ” (Gal 3:28).  It is no coincidence that the rib taken from Adam’s side indicates that the woman can stand right beside the man in all things and in the life to come. Eve was Adam’s co-equal and co-heir in Christ in every way before God just as Paul wrote and taught and so did the Apostle Peter.

The Biblical Model

As with the first marriage ceremony, the man and the woman are to join together and become one flesh (Mark 10:9). God joined them together and no man is to separate them. There are exceptions like ongoing, unrepentant adultery, but the chief goal and purpose of man and woman in marriage is to be faithful to one another. This means they are to love one another and serve one other as do unto them as they would want to have done to them by their spouse (Luke 6:31). Jesus also taught that “the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:8-9). According to Jesus, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). Any pastor or minister that has conscientious objections to marry a couple who’ve been living together and having premarital sex or refuses to marry someone that’s not biblically divorced, has every right to not agree to marry the couple. Their pastors’ reasons are not their own; they are only following only Jesus taught about marriage.

Freedom to Choose

In the first place, I believe it is very wise to have premarital counseling. Several important life choices will have to be agreed upon upfront to avoid conflicts down the road. Things such as do they both want to live in the city/country? Do they want any or no children? What about this and what about that? Besides that, I love to sit and listen to the couple first and tell me about themselves. Before deciding on what I suggest for the wedding ceremony I want to know what they want their wedding to be like. I consult with them because it’s their special day. Whatever they prefer to do is fine with me, with few exceptions. They are free to write their own vows, they can choose what the colors will be in the wedding, the music that has special meaning to them, and several other things that have drawn this couple close together. Then I bring them copies of the traditional marriage ceremony and ask them to change what they wish to change and then give them the final choice in the matter. A minister should never pressure or insist on their favorite wedding vows or the traditional ones.

Conclusion

I have married several couples but I am not the one that’s really joining them together. I am only there to officiate and legally marry them in the eyes of the state. I sign the marriage certificate at the end to make it legal but God is the Notary. He recognizes the marriage, only if it is biblical. If it is, then God will recognize it. God does the joining together and then man and woman vow to one another before public witnesses, which is why there should always be a witness but the truth is “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9). In other words, God did it; don’t mess with it. When someone tries to break this holy matrimony and tempt someone to commit adultery, they only have one final destination in store for them (Rev 21:8) unless they repent and trust in Christ. The point is, it’s in man’s best interest to not try and separate them, by whatever means is involved. No one wants to find themselves opposed to God.

Article by Jack Wellman

Jack Wellman is Pastor of the Mulvane Brethren Church in Mulvane Kansas. Jack is also the Senior Writer at What Christians Want To Know whose mission is to equip, encourage, and energize Christians and to address questions about the believer’s daily walk with God and the Bible. You can follow Jack on Google Plus or check out his book Teaching Children the Gospel available on Amazon.