I went up to the drive-through and ordered a Big Mac, and all I got was this crucifixion instead. Can anyone say “REFUND???”
So I drove up to this church and they nailed me to my dashboard with a giant staple gun. Man, they weren’t kidding!It’s especially risky trying to drive while stapled to your dashboard. I’m here to tell you!
Oh, yeah right…a kitten with big, green fangs and a freakish nose that, for all intents and purposes, is highly impractical from a biological point of view. But creepy as shit.Actually it annoys me more when he gets, like, half an inch from me and does that whole “I’m not touching youuuuu” thing. So irritating.This, from the Gospel according to Merv, the Apostle of the Holy Sycophant.Funny thing…when Jesus emerged from the tomb, the reason he was surrounded by light was actually the Spandex unitard he was sporting with the silver sequins. That disco swag does some mad tricks on the eyes in the sun.Just make sure you go somewhere else the other 51 weeks a year. Cause he totally sucks!
Christian Piatt
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