Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mastur-abater” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mastur-abater” Edition January 5, 2014

So I thought if you masturbate, you’d grow hair on your palms. Turns out your arm bursts into flames. The first one, I can deal with. The second…not so much.

Unless you use some novel two-handed system I’m unfamiliar with, you should be able to swing both, I think.
Pretty sure having the words “Old” and “Sex” in the same title cancel each other out.
I’ve heard of the missionary position, but…
Dud,e I totally saw Jesus peeking, and he skipped four and seven. DO-OVER!
yes, this is an actual banner and website for a real-life church. Really.
And here, we’ve been fighting wars and building stuff! Gah!
Man, is my face red. First time, I read this as “holey sex.” Very different.

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

TRENDING AT PATHEOS Progressive Christian
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Occupy Christianity

    I’d love to know how many car accidents that billboard caused…

  • jrieves

    A sermon that acknowledges there is sex in the Bible would truly be a novelty. And, pretty damned interesting, too.

    • From the Brick Testament would be best. 😉

  • Whittier Nathan Strong

    The first sign (about masturbation) is from Christians for Michele Bachmann, which is a parody group, like the Onion except in Facebook-group form. Everything they produce is fake, including this billboard, which does not exist.

    • Christian Piatt

      But it’s so awesome!!!