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Christian Piatt

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mastur-abater” Edition

January 5, 2014 by Christian Piatt

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So I thought if you masturbate, you’d grow hair on your palms. Turns out your arm bursts into flames. The first one, I can deal with. The second…not so much.

masturbate — Unless you use some novel two-handed system I’m unfamiliar with, you should be able to swing both, I think.

old-testament-sex — Pretty sure having the words “Old” and “Sex” in the same title cancel each other out.

sex gods ways — I’ve heard of the missionary position, but…

here i come — Dud,e I totally saw Jesus peeking, and he skipped four and seven. DO-OVER!

sex life sucks — yes, this is an actual banner and website for a real-life church. Really.

good sex — And here, we’ve been fighting wars and building stuff! Gah!

holy-sex — Man, is my face red. First time, I read this as “holey sex.” Very different.

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