Church Sign Epic Fails, “Communion Lite” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Communion Lite” Edition August 17, 2014

I’m so glad there’s a church out there willing to offer me un-transubstantiated communion. The other one just makes me a little gassy.

You want the transubstantiation?? You can't HANDLE the transubstantiation!!! (My best Nicholson, trust me)
You want the transubstantiation?? You can’t HANDLE the transubstantiation!!! (My best Nicholson, trust me)
Just text 777-777-7773. What? the all-sevens one was already taken by that schmuck Drew Carey.
Just text 777-777-7773. What? the all-sevens one was already taken by that schmuck Drew Carey.
I'll spare you the obvious redundancy joke here, but honestly, if folks are uncomfortable about coming to worship, I expect putting clowns in charge will take care of that (crickets).
I’ll spare you the obvious redundancy joke here, but honestly, if folks are uncomfortable about coming to worship, I expect putting clowns in charge will take care of that (crickets).
I'm a fool for punctuation and knowing the difference between contractions and possessives. But that's just me.
I’m a fool for punctuation and knowing the difference between contractions and possessives. But that’s just me.
So basically you can blame Jesus for whatever you did. Guilt by association and what-not.
So basically you can blame Jesus for whatever you did. Guilt by association and what-not.
The first-ever baptist church to dabble in Buddhism.
The first-ever baptist church to dabble in Buddhism.
Swing and a miss, folks. Nothing but air.
Swing and a miss, folks. Nothing but air.

 


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  • Alan Christensen

    Speaking of “swing and a miss,” there’s a conservative Anglican church near me that for a while had “1940 Hymnal” on their sign. This is a breakaway group from the Episcopal Church, which replaced the 1940 Hymnal about 30 years ago. When I saw that sign I thought, OK, it’s 2014. How many people (unless they’re already conservative Anglicans) are going to be ATTRACTED by the fact that you use a 74-year-old hymnal???

  • J

    I dunno, I kind of like that last one. Maybe someone’s been reading Graham Greene:

    “That was my first instinct — to protect him. It never occurred to me that there was a greater need to protect myself. Innocence always calls mutely for protection when we would be so much wiser to guard ourselves against it: innocence is like a dumb leper who has lost his bell, wandering the world, meaning no harm.”

    –The Quiet American

    The First Church of Graham Greene would be a badass place. Lots of murders, spies, Catholic guilt, transgressive sex *despite* the Catholic guilt . . .