Wandering in Wordlessness

Moonlit Night(In Progress) by Melissa Hill

I don’t have a fancy word this year. Last year my word was Grow and the year before that it was Incite. I don’t know if I really did grow or not. I did a lot of things. I helped my kids continue to grow. I helped my garden to grow, and worked on Three Brothers Farm. Definitely helped things grow there. I worked hard on my clergy training for ADF and completed a number of classes in working toward my goals there.

Did I grow?

I suppose I did.  But not in the ways I expected to. I learned a lot about humility and love.   I learned about living with not knowing what’s going to happen next in my life.  I learned a lot about letting go of control and how futile it is to think we have much control over anything at all.

I learned that sometimes I can’t even control my own internal state. My feelings aren’t mine to control.  Sometimes the only thing you can do is control your actions.

I grew older.  I plucked one or two white hairs out of my head.  That’s not really what I had in mind either.

Bear Sketch

This year I really can’t think of one word.  Maybe I’m getting wordy as I age.

This year I promised myself to give this artist thing a real fair shake. To become a professional.  To explore marketing, branding, and how to make money with this art thing I do. I am setting aside one day a week just for my art.  Painting, printing, sketching,  but always with the focus of turning out finished work.   Today was my first day on the job.

I had three panic attacks.

It’s okay, I breathed through it. I’m pretty used to that sort of thing.  Things that I really want scare me.

Breath in, 1…2…3…4.  Hold 1…2…3…4.  Breathe out 1…2…3…4. Hold 1…2…3…4.

It works really well.  If you’re prone to feeling panic, you should try it.  But practice when you’re not panicked first.  It’s best if you remember to do it every day, maybe after you brush your teeth, or during your lunch break.  That’s how I started. I worked at EDS telling people to reboot their computers and I practiced breathing during my lunch break.

So here I go, wordy and wordless all at the same time.  Wish me luck.

Cosmos Turning by Melissa Hill