5 Reasons Why Raising Pagans is Not the Same as Raising Christians

Sending your kid to church is a pretty normal thing to do.  It’s a thing.  People do it without thinking too much about if it’s a good idea or not.  Pretty much it’s seen as a good plan, even by those who don’t do it.  There are worse things than instilling some values in a kid right?

Taking your kids to grove rituals is weirdly controversial.

My religion has developed in the last sixty years.  Neo-Paganism as we think of it today started out as an adult only phenomenon.  We really only have a couple of generations of people who have practiced their spirituality in any sort of similar fashion to what I do today, and very little of that practice really translates directly into ways to share spirituality with children.

What that means functionally is that a lot of the elders in my community haven’t got the foggiest idea of how to make our rituals kid friendly.  Many of the people in my community aren’t even comfortable around kids. Best of all, are the people who think that by teaching my kids about my spiritual practices I am doing them some deep wrong because of the horrible experiences they’ve had with Christianity.

So when I came across this post by Sarenth about raising children in pagan traditions, I was curious. As I read I found that I agreed with what was being said, especially about having a “firm foundation in worldview”.  As a parent I see my job as helping them gain the skills and knowledge they need in order to be useful members of the larger community.  I see that community as encompassing more than just humanity.  I want them to see their bioregion and the earth as a whole as part of their community.  This is based on a value judgment and I am well aware of it.  I’m okay with it, and yes, it does comes out of my spirituality. My values and my religion are entwined. I intend to share my values with my children. I think most parents do.  But there are some very important differences between how I share my values and religion with my children and how Christian values and religion are often shared with children in their faith:

1. I don’t threaten my children with horrible torment after they die.  Hel is a Goddess, thank you very much, and it turns out she’s pretty nice.  In my religion, fire is a sacred thing and burning people with it in the afterlife is just not okay. 
2. When my children ask difficult questions like, “How can there be so many thunder Gods?” or “Why is the sun sometimes a Goddess and sometimes a God.” or, “Why don’t fairies look like tinkerbell and make me fly?”  I answer them honestly that I don’t know. (Okay, with the fairy thing I roll my eyes and ask them why they think that spiritual beings would look like Disney characters.) I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t need to. Difficult questions that got poor answers is one of the main reasons that I’ve heard of for people who have left Christianity.  Honesty is always the best policy, especially with religion.
3. I don’t tell them that other Gods are bad or wrong or not real.  This one is easy. I’m a polytheist.  That means I have room in my worldview for lots of Gods, including the ones I choose not to worship.  I’ve always thought that it was a stretch for Christians to embrace diversity.  The very essence of the religion is about seeing divinity in one way. I prefer diversity seen through the lens of a multitude of options.
4. I don’t make them participate.  Okay, I do make them come to the campground where we have the rituals, and I do try to make ritual fun and include cool stuff for them to do, but I don’t make them do it.  Spirituality is not a requirement in my household. It’s an option, and if a child wants to give an offering, or meditate, or take a part in ritual I will make sure to facilitate it. 
5. I live my spirituality. Now I know there are Christians who do this too, and honestly it’s a point where I feel like I can connect with people who are truly trying to live a life centered on the teaching of Jesus. Having said that, there are many more people who pack their children off to Sunday School and live lives in direct violation of their religious precepts.  I work hard to make sure my life is in alignment with my values.  That way I can lead by example with my children, rather than telling them to do as I say not what I do.