Danielle Kingstrom
I do believe the nature of God is sexual. I believe the erotic component of theology has been missing for too long and it’s time that an injection is welcomed. We are sexually suffering as a society and I think that the way to make amends for the suffering is by reclaiming the erotic nature of God and learning to implement that attribute into every component of our lives.
We first do that by acknowledging and accepting that we are authentically, naturally, divinely good. Our flesh is good. Our body is good. Our body is beautiful and wonderfully created for enjoyment and pleasure and awe AS IT IS in its present form. It’s an affirmative optimism that is radical and refuses to let the darkness blot out the light.
My friend Christina Choy (life/healing coach) calls this “Practical Hope.” This is an inner knowing and belief that you can choose good things for yourself. It’s the belief that God wants good things for you. She says it’s actually courageous to believe in good. And in a society where all of the messaging points to what is “wrong”, “ugly”, and “unacceptable,” I tend to agree that it’s courageous and I would add that it’s also radical to believe in good. Similarly, Jesus preached these ideas.
The acceptance and inner knowing that comes from a practical hope in the goodness of humanity is truly and fundamentally an erotic belief. All that is erotic is good and beautiful. Eros is a multi-dimensional love that when fully embodied, integrates the mental with the emotional, the physical, the spiritual, and the sexual dimensions of our lives. To see life through this lens, we must first remove the lens of compartmentalization—the lens that zooms in on comparison, competition, contrast, and control. That which is erotic is free, liberated, and distinctly diverse. Comparison and contrast are just irrelevant in the realm of eroticism. The erotic doesn’t depend on the competition. In fact, competition destroys the erotic component of everything.
Eroticism is an energy that is both internally and outwardly attended, in that it is directed at Other but reflected in Self. It is a yearning for communion, for creation, for integration with all-ness. Eros is what gives form to sexual desire. A yearning desire that is divinely reflected.
Erotic energy doesn’t need to be compared to anything. It just exists as it is. It’s a frequency that we can all adjust our vibrations to. You cannot control the erotic. It’s uncontainable energy. Such is why so many reject the erotic, and all things that we cannot control. We have been indoctrinated to believe that so long as we remain in control, we are somehow good. But Lord knows how we struggle at controlling our own emotions. Who are we to believe that we could ever control anything outside of ourselves?
The erotic is internal and external, so while we may have a modicum of containment on how the erotic is expressed through our being, the impact and effect it may have on others, are out of our control. But love is like that, isn’t it? We can freely give it and express it, but it’s not always received or reciprocated. God freely gives love, but God cannot control whether or not we accept it. That’s how the erotic operates. It is always there to receive but you can never really hold on to it. Like a frequency, like a melody that you hear—you cannot touch it or grasp it, you can only experience it.
When we compare one erotic experience to another, we destroy the meaning of the experience itself. It is to mean what it means in a moment, not as a standard. Each moment will be different but requires no comparison. With eros, there is no real standard except that it always looks like love. And love has many angles, but the lens remains the same.
We problematize love and the erotic when we utilize humanmade concepts of divine phenomenological experiences. “Love does not keep record of wrongs.” Taking that line further, because love keeps no records of wrongs, love cannot use contrasting methods to define which displays or experiences of love are more readily deserving of being called love than another. Love just is. Comparison and competition create standards and expectations. When we craft ways to differentiate failure from success or better from worse, it’s as if we expect love to fail. And what kind of expectation is to bring into an experience that ultimately elevates us to higher consciousness? The erotic is elevation. Embodying this elevated consciousness requires us to elevate even our internal monologues. If we expect failure, are we not somehow participating in the manifestation of a failure? Full erotic embodiment shatters these illusions of comparison. When we look through the lens of the erotic, all we see are possibilities. We see dynamic pairs, not opposites.
We are usually the solo saboteur of our sexuality and so we must become the solo solution. An erotic epiphany becomes the catalyst for the transition. Like a religious deconstruction, we start to question our own beliefs about sexuality and how we view the world from a sexual lens. Sometimes it happens during a religious deconstruction, sometimes it follows a mid-life crisis. It can appear after the end of a relationship or even the death of a loved one. Erotic epiphanies break in through the cracks of darkness for many people, and with a new lens, a new light is revealed.
Freud informed the world that our nature is sexual and that even as innocent children, we are sexual beings. When we juxtapose that with the innocence that Christianity gives form to, the two ideas seem opposed. For many in religious circles, innocence looks like abstinence and celibacy, missionary, and for- procreation only. But not even the Pope can deny that there is indeed a purpose for sexuality and that we are to embody that which God created: a sexual nature. Our original nature is good. Our post-Eden nature is still good. When we embody that truth and listen to our inner desires, we begin walking in the erotic toward a full embodiment.
How do I become my own solution?
It starts by asking for help. The reason there are so many people on the planet is that we aren’t meant to exist alone. Even an erotic embodiment journey requires help. And we have a planet full of people that want to do just that! Although discussing sexuality seems too taboo even for our progressive country, normalizing the discussion helps advance the journey for not only the self but for others. Can you start by verbalizing the things you desire to your partner? Can you express your fantasies to someone who won’t judge you? Consider being very specific with your partner the next time you have sex. Direction, pressure, speed, intensity. Can you relay how you want it, when you want it, where you want it?
These may seem like silly requests, but while we are learning to gain confidence in ourselves as sexual beings, we must be able to express how we like it and what we don’t like with the same amount of confidence. We must be bold enough to ask the questions: Do I even know who or what I am actually attracted to? Do I even know what I like? Do I even know what I am doing?
Do you have a friend that you can talk to about sexual anxieties and difficulties? You may be surprised to discover most people in the world have experienced sexual difficulties, anxieties, and fears. We have that in common with one another.
Then there’s me. I am an Erotic Embodiment Advisor. I assist with the erotic epiphany and help others discover how to embody their sexual nature. I answer the difficult questions that many are too afraid to ask. I create space for your sexual development and process. I work with others who are just trying to navigate their own erotic epiphany but need a bit of additional support to help gain confidence in who they are as a sexual being. Sometimes, I just provide a listening ear. I incorporate a diverse array of philosophies, practices, and movement-based methods as additional tools for the erotic embodiment journey.
If you’re interested in learning more about erotic embodiment, please contact me for a free 30-minute consultation.
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