The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.I.8

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: The Post-Scarcity Economy.

Cobra Commander: You realize you’re not on an alien planet right?
Dagny: Well obviously.
Cobra Commander: Then why did you ask this guy about what he did when he was back ‘on earth’?
Ellis Wyatt: Well the good lady was just setting me up for a chance to talk about how the rest of the world is just hell compared to this place.
Cobra Commander: But she couldn’t have known she was setting you up for that line.
Dagny: Of course I did! Being a good and proper capitalist we all think exactly alike so I knew that’s where his thoughts were going.
Cobra Commander: Then why did you ask… look never mind. I take it you’re squeezing blood from that stone for no good reason?
Ellis Wyatt: A great reason! Because I can good sir.
Cobra Commander: But you have nothing to use the oil for.
Ellis Wyatt: But I’m getting so much of it so easily! Two hundred barrels a day!
Cobra Commander: Okay, and where are you getting those barrels?
Ellis Wyatt: Why from the Shale!
Cobra Commander: No I meant, like the barrels themselves. I mean… you’ve been here for… months right? So you have to have lots of oil you’ve been pumping into tanks and barrels. Where did you get those?
Ellis Wyatt: I… made them?
Cobra Commander: I’m assuming also along with all the piping, valves, intricate machinery, and everything else you need for this completely unnecessary operation.
Ellis Wyatt: Why sure! I mean if my buddy can build a super tractor I can certainly by hand construct a complex oil operation utilizing a methodology never before seen by modern man, including storage and distribution services.
Cobra Commander: Okay look there’s three options here. One is that your oil is getting used, and that’s not happening so we can discount that one straight out.
Ellis Wyatt: Well sometimes the tractor needs lube…
Cobra Commander: And it might need some oil for the flamethrowers now but I’ll pick that up before I’m out. But back on point you’re storing that oil one of two ways. In barrels or in tanks. If you’re doing it in barrels you’ll need, for every month of production, around six thousand barrels. I think I’d have noticed that so instead you’ll need tanks. But since every oil barrel is 42 gallons…
Ellis Wyatt: You know that off the top of your head?
Cobra Commander: You would be surprised how often I have to steal the stuff, which again we’ll be getting to when I’m on my way out. But you’d be producing about 252,000 gallons of oil a month. Every month of operation would fill up a tank about 23 feet high with a radius of 23 feet. I mean every single month!
Ellis Wyatt: Well I… I do have a tank here…
Cobra Commander: And since your setup is rigged in place when you fill up one tank you’ll have to move that tank out of the way to set the new one in place. And it looks like you’re doing this all by yourself. Do you have any idea how heavy a barrel of oil is? Just one barrel?
Ellis Wyatt: But it’s… it’s really pretty… just look at it.
John Galt: Now Mr. Commander sir, can’t have you going and upsetting all my guests. We need Mr. Wyatt’s oil because you can’t run a society without oil.
Dagny: Everyone knows that!
Cobra Commander: Oh really because I think you can run a society just fine if you have infinite power. Speaking of, where the heck are you getting that infinite power from you’ve been hyping up?
John Galt: Oh just over there.
Cobra Commander: That shack?
John Galt: Why of course! Super efficient it is, my finest work!
Cobra Commander: I’m only going to give it a pass because it’s going to be a lot easier to burn down a tiny little shed like that.
John Galt: What!?
Cobra Commander: Well gotta put this oil to some kind of use right? Just trying to live up to your ideals!
John Galt: But it’s got no safety protocols or protections! Because why would anyone ever need anything like that!?
Cobra Commander: Wow, you are just making this all the more fun for me aren’t you?