From the U.K. Mail Online: Cars could soon monitor our emotions with a device that reads facial expressions to prevent road rage. Car manufacturers – ever in the pursuit of new ways to make driving safer – are hinting at devices that can detect drivers’ irritation levels using a tiny embedded camera. The trick was developing a system that doesn’t distract the driver. The team is also working on a “fatigue detector” which could measure the percentage of eyelid closure. The next logical step is to implement these technologies in churches.
But what would happen if a driver were simply bothered because they were already late for work? When the road rage detector shuts down the car based on their exasperated expression, the odds are extraordinary that commuters all over the land will be “hulking out” in their driveways.
Then comedian Donna East calls in from the City that Never Sleeps to discuss her new diet. Thanks to her new eating habits, she’s only gained three pounds this week. One strategy she has used stems from Donna finding out that her weight gain isn’t her fault, but due to her genetic make up – so she promptly donated all her jeans to the Salvation Army (say it out loud… you’ll get the joke).
The pivotal moment to why she is on her current diet goes back to when she was younger, before kids… and it happened after kids… and it happened yesterday – some guy asked her if she’s pregnant (this line of questioning NEVER ends well – neither for the woman nor the idiot asking the question).
Basically, the only time when it just maybe might be acceptable to ask this question is when you are absolutely certain that the woman is, in fact, pregnant – I mean so certain that you can see the baby’s head crowning. Pretty much, then and only then is your timing close to appropriate.
But what would really make her day is if, just once, someone could simply walk up and say, “Donna, you look great today. Have you gained weight lately? Your cheeks are all plump and rosy… your wrinkles are all poofed out. Just looking at you, I’m considering going up a dress size or two myself. Donna, you’re an inspiration to all those who want to be fat!”
Something like that would be so encouraging.
Finally, comic Marty Simpson joins the show to discuss his latest project, “Clean If It Kills Me”.
Not that he “struggles” with keeping his act clean and free of swear words – until the fourth or fifth joke about any particular topic, then the voice out of the gutter tends to whisper into his mind’s ear.
Now, before going on the road with his stand up routines, Marty spent ten years as a middle school coach and teacher – honing his craft in classrooms instead of nightclubs and abusing students instead of bar patrons. He views this time as ten years worth of shows, or 9,000 shows in lieu of lesson plans since he routinely spouted off jokes to fill the class periods to make up for the fact that he was really only a chapter ahead of the students, praying that none of them read ahead and discover his academic ineptitude.
For more family-friendly comedy, check out the Daren Streblow Comedy Show
And, for more entertaining and encouraging podcasts and videos, visit the E-Squared Media Network at www.e2medianetwork.com