From ABCNews Sacramento:
A California driver may have set a record for fastest car wash.
A 94-year-old man is caught on camera speeding through the Quick Quack Car Wash in Sacramento at an estimated 40 miles per hour.
If you think about it, this would save a lot of time! It actually reminds me a lot of how my kids would bathe themselves – “I did take a shower… see? My foot’s a little wet still!”
The man paid for his car wash, but claimed he could not take his foot off the pedal as he was driving through.
Workers rushed out to try and stop him, but the car crashed through the equipment, causing an estimated $100,000 worth of damage.
Which equates to roughly twice as much as the Supreme Wash and Wax package available at most drive through car washes these days.
No one was injured and the man walked away without a scratch.
He’s 94-years-old and he walked away? That’s the most amazing part of the whole story! (Although, he did have his blinker on throughout the entire incident)
Next, my good friend Mike Goodwin calls into the show. Mike has been married for fifteen years and has learned a few things over the years.
For instance, he reads Scriptures differently today than he did before he got married.
When he was single, he read that King Solomon had over 700 wives. As a young man, he thought that was something to be applauded! If you could pull that off, it would be awesome! Dude was seated firmly in Mike’s top five favorite Biblical character rankings.
After being married for fifteen years, though, when he recently read that same part of Scripture, Mike’s admiration changed completely. I mean, just logistically, how can you make that happen? The giant bed alone would be cost-prohibitive. Where would a man with 700 wives even keep his clothes? How could a man with 700 wives deal with each of them telling him how to dress each morning? And how would you even keep their names straight? Mike has a hard time keeping his wife’s, daughter’s, and sister’s names straight. 700 is just too much. Everyone would have to wear “Hello, My Name Is…” name tags. And what if there were two or three Susans?
My wife wishes she had multiple husbands: One to make her laugh, then one to fix the car, one to do yardwork, one to take care of the house’s plumbing… The list goes on and on.
Finally, Tim Hawkins joins the fun from his tour bus! His latest album, “That’s the Worst” gets its title from so many phrases we tend to say that really don’t make sense. For example, when we say something is amazing… it’s typically not really that amazing. It’s not the best. It’s not unbelievable. It’s just really good compared to the other things that it’s being compared to at that very second.
Same goes with “That’s the worst.” It’s a phrase Tim says all the time, but he doesn’t really mean it. Forget starving children around the globe, natural disasters, oppression and tyranny… having chunky peanut butter when I asked for creamy – THAT’S the worst!
Tim also has a book – Diary of a Jackwagon. He had wanted to do a book for a long time and finally got around to writing down his musings. So he and John Driver scribbled down some of Tim’s best stuff from his stage performances and put it between two covers. It’s written like a journal and, among other topics, includes riffs on marital communication (“marriage needs a challenge flag, like in pro football”) aging (“the diabolical orifice witch hunt”), worship music (“pick the right key, because I’m not Barry White and I’m not a Bee Gee”), and fatherhood (“There are no manuals for parenting. Color-coded warning labels or open-ended prescriptions would be just as helpful.”)
Sadly, it doesn’t include the story of an email Tim recently received. It read:
“Hey Tim, I’m a big fan and I’m a police officer. I just thought you’d like to know, we busted a meth house the other day, and we found one of your DVD’s.”
I mean, how do you process something like this?
Is this a good thing, or a bad? Was Tim’s DVD helping the meth addicts into sobriety, or was his jokes some sort of a “gateway drug”? Or worse, were they selling his DVD’s as a packaged bundle: buy a bag of meth and get a free comedy DVD!
I mean, it’s one thing to see your DVD’s on sale in the bargain bin at resell shops, but to actually hear that your stuff is at ground zero of a meth lab, you can only hope that it’s someone as smart as Walter White enjoying a little levity in his day.