Women are often reported as wishing that their significant other were more sensitive. They want someone who will enjoy the latest Nicholas Sparks movie with them without complaining that no one is getting beat up, there are no explosions nor any robots… or exploding robots getting beat up!
Yet, despite his affinity for superheroes, I am actually the sensitive type. For instance, while recently taking in a subtitled Japanese Anime feature, I found myself getting emotionally choked up; which moved me to immediately watch the next episode, which stirred my emotions even more. After four more episodes, I was so cried out that I could barely function. That’s when my teenage son walked in to join me – and after watching his dad weep for an hour, my son offered:
“You know, Dad… this show here… this is for girls.”
It’s not even for grown women, it’s for girls.
Yet I couldn’t stop taking in more and more of the show about a high school trying with all her might to fit in with her classmates, and when she falls in love, her heart is spread wide open to experience love and care for more and more people.
A lot like Peabody and Sherman.
So, all this begs the question: Is this the level of sensitivity that women want, or is there something terribly wrong with me? I mean, when my wife walked by the room and saw me watching this stuff, she just rolled her eyes, grabbed her iPad and went in the other room to watch one of her spy/thriller movies.
Meanwhile, I was sitting there, a hot mess pepper sprayed with emotion!
Then it occurred to me – this outpouring of tears wasn’t even for real people… or real people acting like real people… it was for animated ink!
On the other hand, it really felt good to be sad… all while reading subtitles! (now that’s a hidden talent!)
The real question is this: Is my obsession with this show merely an emotional connection with the program, or some deeply seeded arrested development from my own middle school years?
Next, my good friend Matt Falk calls into the show to talk about how sick and tired of his generation – the Millennials. They’re just dumb. For instance, mood rings were a huge thing when they were young. The logical conclusion is that they, as a group, were so dumb they couldn’t decipher how they felt without the aid of ever-changing jewelry.
They, as a generation, are really into personal labels as well. For instance, one friend of Matt’s constantly refers to herself as “an explorer”… you know… like Dora.
She’s not an explorer. She’s a vacationer. Let’s let some honesty into the picture. You can’t refer to yourself as an explorer if you check TripAdvisor before you leave.
There’s no way Christopher Columbus ever said the words, “Oh, the Pacific Ocean only got two stars? There’s no way I’m taking that route!”
Another label his generation likes to throw around is “Foodie”. You’re not a foodie – you’re a fat guy with an Instagram account! Taking pictures of your corn flakes does not make you a culinary connoisseur. Stop it!
Another thing they do is compulsively watch documentaries. They get totally engrossed in the emotionally charged causes behind these films and completely change their lives and worldviews for a month-and-a-half. Why such a short time? Because it’s simply too hard to commit to juicing for any longer than that.
Finally, funnyman and author John Branyan joins the show to discuss wearing glasses on stage. I thought that it would help him connect with his audience better if he could actually see them, but he discovered the contrary. He prefers seeing a vague, people-shaped blur as opposed to a highly defined scowl.
John is really into board games. More than anyone I’ve ever met. His latest passion is the game One Night Ultimate Werewolf. In the game, each player has a hidden identity and two of the players are werewolves. The play comes in the spirited discussions where each player tries to figure out which roles each of them are hiding. My favorite is Monopoly, but apparently that game is banned in John’s house. At least, according to him, once you venture into his world of games, you’ll never want to go back to the classics.
And, speaking of classics, John is writing a follow up to his book, “The Triune Tale of Diminutive Swine”. Now, for some background on his primary effort, John noticed one night while reading some classic tales to his children that the language in many of our bedtime stories are pretty archaic and even hard to understand.
For instance, in one story, a lady walked into a room and was greeted with university-level salutations from the other people in the story. This made John wonder what other children’s books might be like if they were all tricked out in 16th century English, including the Three Little Pigs, and now Goldilocks.
Here’s a sample of his latest effort:
“In a cottage in the woods
Dwelled a swath of three bruins:
A matriarch, a patriarch and a filial juvenile.
One particular morning, Mother Bear,
Toiling tirelessly at the tutelage of her tot,
Was abruptly interrupted.
‘Up and away, good family!’ exalted Papa Bear,
‘I would peregrinate the wood and retreat from our residence.
Pray, bless my soul, with thy company whilst I hither proceed.’”
Now, to me, it sounds funny… but I’m guessing that if we actually read works like these to our children each night, their IQ’s would go through the roof!