The Daren Streblow Comedy Show Mini-Cast 113: Spying, Leland Klassen & Ori Hofmekler

The Daren Streblow Comedy Show Mini-Cast 113: Spying, Leland Klassen & Ori Hofmekler October 19, 2015

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Once again, I am joined by my great friend, David Pendleton aboard the Carnival Dream Cruise Ship!

70s Kitchen Phone
Image: All Posters

There’s a lot of spying going on in this country. We spy on other people. We spy on ourselves.

I could never be a good spy. I’m a mouth-breather and I have bad allergies. This combination proved to be terrible when I tried to spy on my sister when we were kids. She’d be talking to her beautiful friends on the phone in her bedroom; and I’d sneak into the kitchen and quickly snatch up the kitchen phone to eavesdrop. I wouldn’t say a word. I’d just sit there silently listening… spying on my sister’s beautiful friends. Well, maybe not very silently. I wouldn’t speak, but they’d hear my allergic mouth breathing like it was a category 5 hurricane blowing on the kitchen phone.

“Have you met my brother, Darth Vader?”, my sister would ask her friend.

To get me out of her business, she did the only sensible thing that a sister of a girl-crazy teenager would do… she set me up on a blind date.

“She has a wonderful personality”, said my sister.

I didn’t have a lot of options, so I went.

But the day of the date came and I was helping my dad move a piano earlier that morning. I was messing around with the dolly under the piano. The dolly broke. So did my foot!

So, that evening, as I was walking up to my date’s door, I strode up with this Quasimodo limp that I don’t normally have. And, this being the 80’s, I was drinking a can of red cream soda pop. There was still about a half a can left as I drew nearer to the door, and I realized that I had to finish it, since it would look tacky to knock on her door with a half a can of red cream soda in my hand. So there I was, in my white jeans, Quasimodo limp, chugging down the last half of my red cream soda. My plan was to pound it as quickly as possible and toss the can into the bushes (‘cause that’s how we recycled back in the 80’s).

As I knocked on the door, she opened it up and stood there before me.

She was beautiful! Absolutely gorgeous.

He politely said, “Hello”.

And I awkwardly shifted my weight as I searched for the perfect salutation for this incredible moment. But I shifted onto my broken foot and exclaimed in a painful burst, “Hiiiiiiii!”

That’s when her dad appeared.

As I finished off the red cream soda to moisten my parched mouth, her dad noticed that I was in pain and asked why I was limping. Was I in a fight or something?

And all I could say was, “I got hurt when I was changing my dolly.”

As I heard what had just come out of my mouth, I shot red cream soda out of my nose… all over my white jeans.

I have no idea why she even went out on that date with me. I think it was just morbid curiosity.

Have you ever totally and completely lost hope? I did.

Here was this beautiful creature. We had nothing in common. She was smart, sophisticated… she didn’t have food all over her clothes.

In a good blind date, you struggle to find SOMETHING in common, but we had NOTHING.

We got to the pizza place. That’s when I said something funny… and she shot Dr. Pepper out of her nose!

We’ve been married for 20 years now!Leland Klassen

Next, my good buddy Leland Klassen calls into the show. I don’t know how he found the time as his summer was jam packed with performances! He performed all across Canada’s mid-western prairies.

But there was one incident that stood out. He had a shot at greatness. A chance to be a hero! He was at his son’s baseball practice, which had just ended. Just then, a guy came streaking by as a lady came out from the rec center screaming, “Hey! That guy just stole a lady’s purse!”

But Leland had no idea what or who she was talking about. Then another dad went running after the purse snatcher. Leland still didn’t know what was going on, but he went into pursuit mode anyway. The thief ran up a hill, which is when Leland discovered that cardio fitness is integral if you want to be a hero. And Leland is not cardio-vascularly fit. He was winded very quickly.

That’s when Leland began to use his brains over his brawn and took off around the hill to cut them off. There he waited – on the other side of the neighboring church parking lot, waiting for the bad guy to fall into his trap as he ran from the other dad. That’s when a third parent jumped into his electric car – so fast and so stealthily that no one ever saw him drive there.

Have you ever noticed that people who drive electric cars are always doing math? They’re constantly trying to equate how much battery power they have left in their fuel cells. Just to make a Starbucks run requires an electric car owner to solved eleventy different algebraic equations just to figure out if they can make it back.

So, as Leland is panting away, the lady from the rec center is standing right behind him. And she’s not even winded. She says to him, “Find the guy with the black pants and stop him!”

That’s when the church let out.

And what do you see a lot of amongst church congregations? Guys in black pants and purses!

So, poor Leland is now stuck scanning through this throng of worshippers looking for the elusive purse thief. That’s when electric car spotted him and yelled out, sending the purse snatcher running straight toward Leland!

That’s when Leland realized that he had a very different expectation when it came to crime fighting than what exists in the real world. He was thinking that – similar to the game Freeze Tag – when he touched the criminal, the bad guy would be obligated to stand and wait there until the authorities arrived. But he kept running!

That’s when Franklin, the electric car guy got real angry. He began shouting out crazy things at the purse thief, “I got an electric car! Now I gotta do math in order to chase you down!! If I gotta run, that’s fine… I gotta new hip and I’ve been waiting to use it!” He started yelling at the bad guy about his recently replaced hip!

That’s when Leland learned that to make it as a villain in life, you also must have good cardio, as the purse thief began to slow down as he continued up the hill.

So, Leland and Franklin finally catch the guy. Franklin puts his new hip to work and hip-tosses the culprit to the ground, but has to leave back to his car almost immediately because he had left the door open and was worried that the dome light would kill the battery.

That’s when Leland’s tiredness worked to his advantage, as he was leaning heavy on the perp out of exhaustion and the purse-snatcher was too tuckered out to move as well.

The police finally arrived and it was discovered that this guy had been stealing purses all day and had a whole stash of them!

Leland and Franklin (and Franklin’s robotic hip) made quite the dynamic duo that day!Ori Hofmekler

Finally, dietary author Ori Hofmekler joins the show. His training methods have been endorsed by nutritional and medical experts, scientists, champion athletes, and military specialists! He attributes his interest in fitness and diet to his years as a young man serving in the Israeli Special Forces. He has written several books, including “The Anti-Estrogenic Diet” and “The Warrior Diet”.

Personally, I have read and followed the Warrior Diet for over a year now and it’s GREAT!

When Ori came up with the Warrior Diet, he was introducing a lifestyle around intermittent fasting. This means that I don’t eat frequently throughout the day, but rather one main meal per day. Some people take it so far as only one meal every other day. The version of the Warrior Diet Ori prescribes is based on one main meal each day at night. This is because, as Ori explains, humans are nocturnal eaters rather than daytime eaters. The key is how to properly combine foods and time them out.

Ori’s thought – and I’ve found it true in my life – that not only are there health benefits to this type of diet and training, but I actually enjoy my food much more and have no desire to go back to three meals a day!

In fact, studies reveal that in a vast majority of the animals tested on this type of eating habits live longer lives by over 50%! Additionally, the diet seems to turn back time on diabetes and several types of brain disease.

When we eat multiple times a day, we need to vigorously exercise in order to burn off the calories we take in at breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack times. However, when we eat just one good, perfectly assembled meal at night, our bodies use the next 24 hours to process and eliminate the food. And, when we exercise, we get even more out of it, as it has been proven that exercising on an empty stomach is actually very good for us.

In fact in the book he is currently working on, “The Stress Principle”, Ori explains how despite our best efforts to avoid stress in life, our bodies actually innately work to thrive in times of stress, including working out on an empty stomach. Or, as Ori puts it, “Not being under stress can actually shorten our lives and kill us.”

Therefore, when you follow the Warrior Diet, your body learns to work and overcome the daily stress of intermittent fasting and compensates with its own natural stress response mechanism.

The effects of this mechanism causes the body to burn fat instead of create fat. It causes your body to lower cholesterol instead of increase it. Muscle development increases.

So, a typical day for someone (like me) following the Warrior Diet includes waking up in the morning and having a cup of coffee along with some supplements, followed by exercise on an empty stomach. After exercising, I never feel depleted. I don’t feel like I just wore myself out by running on an empty tank. In fact, I feel energized! Then, for the rest of the day, until about 6:00, I’ll have water or tea, but no eating. Then, I’ll finally have a very large dinner – especially when I started out on the diet… my dinners were HUGE! My family thought I needed an intervention. But, in time, my portions evened out. These days, I eat for about an hour each night, and then fast for the next 24 hours.

Since beginning this new lifestyle, I’ve lost weight and kept it off, I’m full of energy, and I feel healthier!

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