When my five-year-old gets the flu, he gets beyond miserable! He makes you want to cry, just from looking at him. He says he would do anything to feel better.
Anything but take medicine, apparently.
Because, at this point, any reasonable human being would take their medicine and enjoy the relief that God has blessed us with through modern medicine. But my son is simply not reasonable.
“Wait! Does this medicine taste like the world’s finest candy?”
“No. It’s going to taste kinda bitter.”
“Then this isn’t going to happen, Dad.”
“Take it. Just take it. It’ll help!”
“Do I look like a fool, Dad? Do I look insane? You know my palette can only tolerate the world’s finest delicacies… for example: Kool Aid, Flavor Ice, Pixie Stix, Fun Dip, Whipped Cream in a baseball helmet, cookie dough, and the occasional booger! Why are you trying to push this filthy medicine on me? No feeling of well-being can possibly be worth three seconds of a slightly bitter liquid in my mouth. I’m counting the costs. I refuse!”
If only they made “booger flavored medicine”. That would solve all our problems.
Next, my friend Daniel Woodrow joins the show. Daniel is proud to be a black comedian with white parents and a white sister. He’s no good at basketball, so he says he continually confuses people. When he was twelve, he asked for a bicycle for his birthday, and since his parents are white, he got it. He was so excited about his new bike that he immediately rode down the street to his best friend’s house, parked the bike in front of his buddy’s home, ran to the door, knocked on the door and excitedly told his friend to come outside and see his new ride. Except, when they walked out to the end of the driveway, the bike was gone. It had only been parked there for a mere 60 seconds, but it was gone.
Daniel then had to walk home, and with his head hanging low, he had to tell his parents that the bike they had literally JUST given him was gone. As expected, they weren’t mad, but they were extremely disappointed. Maybe they should have had a girl instead of him, since girls don’t loose bicycles in the first five minutes of owning them. He felt terrible.
Then it got worse.
His stepdad called him out to the back shed. Daniel could only imagine how bad of a beating he was about to receive – one that was “back shed worthy” and too severe to be dished out in the safe confines of the home. But, instead, there sitting in the shed was Daniel’s bike. Apparently, his parents had “stolen” his bike to teach him a lesson.
But the only lesson Daniel learned that day is that his parents are master thieves and actors that that he shouldn’t trust them under any circumstances.
That’s how white people punish their kids? With psychological damage?
Now, I grew up in a predominantly white family, but I don’t recall my parents ever stealing my bike. So, I don’t know if I can affirm Daniel’s broad-brushing assumption. However, I do understand his feelings of horror and dismay.
Even today, when something like his headphones or cell phone goes missing, he immediately calls his parents:
“Do you guys have it?”
“But is it in the shed”
And they don’t even live in the same city as Daniel.
At this point, Daniel just can’t wait to have kids of his own, just so he can prank the heck out of them!
Finally, my buddy Michael Jr., calls in to share what it’s like to be a nationally-adored comedian. According to Michael Jr., his job is to simply regurgitate that love.
In the movie “The War Room”, Michael Jr. portrays a guy who is exactly his age, who is really funny, and his name is “Michael”. I can only imagine the extreme effort that went into preparing for that role!
According to Michael Jr., it was more difficult than I thought, since the character he is playing is African American, but Michael Jr. is black. Therefore, it required a lot of preparation. He had to go to and investigate the neighborhood where his character grew up – which just so happened to be the same neighborhood Michael Jr. is from.
In addition to his cinematic projects, Michael Jr. launched a web series on YouTube called “Break Time”, which features his traditional Break Time moments from his comedy show. In each webisode, Michael Jr. “talks with the folks between the jokes”, every Wednesday.
At home, Michael Jr. has five kids and is happily married to the love of his life. They met at church. And from the first time he saw her walk into the room, he felt a peace about her… except for what he thought was a severe age difference. He was 30 at the time, and when he first laid his eyes on her, he thought she was only 18. Boy did he feel like a dirty old man! So, when he learned that she was actually 27, he was overcome with an unexplainable peace and he knew that she would be his wife. So, after months upon months of courting and begging and pleading… he finally said “yes”. So, it worked out great.