Reflections of Grace 120: Confronting the Elephant in the Room

Reflections of Grace 120: Confronting the Elephant in the Room May 19, 2016

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Because I am an advocate that stands up for those who have been victims of childhood abuse and…

Because I am a healed survivor of my own past of childhood abuse…

I once again feel the need to speak up on behalf of that group of people that even the church tries to shush up…because the disclosure is so uncomfortable for them…so it is easier to sweep it under the rug and pretend we don’t know these things are happening every day.

  • When are we going to start confronting the elephant in the room that most will ignore and pretend it is not there?
  • Silencing victims by saying that this shouldn’t be talked about, or should remain within families, says to a victim that this is something to be ashamed of.
  • That they are in fact damaged goods.

When these crimes are called out and discussed in a public forum, the offender alone should bear both the responsibility and the shame. These matters need to be discussed not only for prevention, but also for healing.

Image: The Mama Bear Effect
Image: The Mama Bear Effect
  • Victims need to be heard. They need to be believed. They need to know that what happened was not their fault. We bear witness to their suffering when we give them a voice.

The only way we can ever hope to stop abuse is if we are willing to talk about it and admit that it happens.  We need to allow them to speak out!  To be transparent without fear of reprisal or shame or embarrassment. We also need to acknowledge that the Christian community is not exempt from this horror.   But it is not something that is often spoke about or expose within the church gatherings.

I believe this will change.

As Ann Voscamp so adequately puts it:

Because People of the Church are to be those who stand up so safe places open up, who lead by always going lower, who expose and confront abuse everywhere they find it, so the hope of the Gospel can be of use anywhere it goes.

Because People of the Cross are to be witnesses for the suffering, and responders to the victims, and testifiers of Truth, no matter the cost, no matter the risk, because Christ is The Truth — and where there isn’t Truth, there isn’t Christ. Why ever hide or cover-up the Truth?”

  • And to those still walking in their victimhood:

Our wounds from childhood  abuse bring messages with  them…they have a common  theme of “you’re worthless, you  have no value, you are a  flawed person, no one will  love you, you are ugly” ….

  • And when those wounds were delivered to you with such pain, they felt true.

They pierced your heart.

  • So, you accepted the message as fact.  You embraced the worthless verdict on yourself.

The vows of silence we made as children act like a deep-seated agreement with the messages of our wounds.  Because it was all about survival.   There was nothing else that could penetrate that agreement with our pain.  The vows we made acted like a kind of covenant with the messages that came with our deep wounds.

  • And it is a deep hole of darkness.

We know that the word tells us where two or three agree on a matter it shall be done.  This can work in the negative as well.  When we, as victims of our past, set ourselves in agreement with the enemy that there is something wrong with us, we begin to live in exactly that place.

Those childhood vows are very dangerous things.  They change the course of our life.

  • We have to renounce the messages as lies ….it is the way to unlock the door to Jesus.  Agreements lock the door from the inside.  Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to Him…
  • to Jesus…

He will move into those heavily veiled places within our soul and be there with us  in that place of pain and  abuse…..and deliver us and  heal us from the past.  I don’t know how He does it.  But I can attest to the fact that He does.

Because he did for me!

(If you want to read my story of being a child victim of incest, you can find my memoir “Climbing Out of the Box.” on Amazon.)

To you precious abuse survivors reading this:

Never forget that there is hope for healing. Although life after trauma is messy and working through the pain is difficult, it is absolutely worth the fight.

May you rest in the hope of a God who cradles his wounded children in his arms as his own body is wracked with tears for the suffering you have endured.

And He will heal you to the point that the past will not affect your future.

He will feed His flock like a shepherd:  He will gather the lambs in His arms,  He will carry them in His bosom and  will gently lead those that have their  young. (Isaiah 40:11)

Jesus I give myself to you.  I give my life to you.  I surrender me…totally and completely.   Forgive all my hurtful ways.  Forgive my self-protecting ways and all of my chasing after other comforters.  Come and be my Savior, Healer, my Love…

(If you are a survivor of childhood abuse and haven’t worked through the steps to healing please contact me for coaching on my home page above or leave a comment here.)

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