The Unorthodox Man Podcast: What Is A Man?

The Unorthodox Man Podcast: What Is A Man? May 26, 2017

What is a man?

I’ve been struggling with a concern that I’m not sure about how exactly to voice.

But, I’m just gonna throw it out there:

I am so worn out… sick and tired of guys attacking other guys.

Now, here’s what I’m talking about – What I’m tired of is just like when we were back in elementary school… when you look at another guy and say, “Oh, they’re not a man!”

You know what I’ve noticed about life? We all kind end up in our own groups and tribes – which is cool. I’m going to naturally go to guys who like punk rock and metal and just kinda live “on the outside”.

That’s fine.

I’m never gonna be a guy that has a man bun and a beard, or anything like that. If that’s your thing, that’s fine.

The issue that I got is the fact that my tribe is gonna look at your tribe and tell you that your tribe isn’t good enough.

I’ve had so many different people say, “You know what we need… we need more men in life!”

And I reply, “Hey, that’s great… but, what does that look like?”

“Well, they gotta cut their hair.”

“Why? Is a man what a man looks like or is a man what a man does?”

It comes down to one simple thing:

I know there are many different forms and facets of what masculinity is and what it “means” to be a real man. But it’s gonna come down to this for me: A man does what a man needs to do.What is a man?

Does that make sense?

It’s one of those things that when you look around a room and say, “Man… somebody’s got to do that!” That somebody is YOU.

I don’t care if you have long hair and flip-flops. I don’t care if you surf. I don’t care if you’re the toughest construction worker and you drive nails with your hands.

Do you do what needs to be done?

How that looks is gonna be different for each of us.

Does that mean you stay up late to help your son study for homework? Do it! Does it mean that you help your wife do some laundry? Do it! Does it mean that you go out and help out a brother who is in need of something? Or help push that guy out of the intersection his car goes down? Do it!

Don’t be talking about men. Don’t try to compare each other like we’re “suits vs. blue-collar vs. bikers vs. guys who wear gang colors”.

That’s not making us men. That just means were different tribes of manhood.

But a man’s gonna do what needs to be done.

Now, I think the worst thing that I can see in a man is a guy who will sit around and talk about how he wants to be tough – how he wants to learn how to do all these different skills – and not do anything about it.

You know what stops you from being a man?


It’s not the system. It’s not your job. It’s not your boss. It’s not your relationship. It’s not your marriage. It’s not your kids.

Because in all those situations, you better be the man and take care of those things.

If you’re tired of where you work because it keeps you down, get a new job. Go out and be about it, don’t talk about it.

You’re not happy with the relationship you have with your wife? I bet you it’s because you quit being a man a while ago, and you need to step up and start talking to her like she needs. She doesn’t need a father. She doesn’t need a son. She needs a man! She needs a husband to talk to her like that.

Your kids are going wild? Have you given them any “man time”?

Your kids are failing? Have you ever sat and said, “Hey, look… I’ve got to do this.”

I see too many guys you say, ”Hey honey! The kids are at it again! Honey, the bills aren’t paid. Honey, whatever…” And they don’t step up and do their thing.

Guys, we’re created to do work. Are you putting in the work?

I don’t care what you look like. You could be a ballerina and wear tassels and all sorts of crazy things. Are you taking care of what’s in front of you? Are you the guy that’s wearing a tutu, but you’re taking care of your kids? Or, are you wearing your biker cuts or wearing your gang colors, but somebody else is raising your kids?

Now, I know there are a lot of broken homes. There are a lot of different situations. But even in that “unorthodox family situation”, you can still sit in and do your part.

Don’t look for somebody else to get it done. You’re the man. You’ve been called to be a man.

I guess my question is: Do you want to claim to be the man and really just be a boy hiding in the man’s world, or are you going to be the man and get done what needs to be done?

Guys, it’s not about acting hard. It’s not about clocking dollars. It’s not about collecting all sorts of things. It’s about putting in work, day-in and day-out. What needs to be done?

Right now, I challenge you – ask yourself, “What is it that I need to do? What is right there in front of me that I need to do today?”

You know what I gotta do today? My family’s going camping. I’ve got to go get a trailer. I don’t want to get a trailer, but I’m gonna go get a trailer. Because that’s what my family needs. I would much rather go hang out with my friends… maybe go get some pizza, catch a movie, go do anything else. But I gotta do what I gotta do.

Now, does that mean that my wife is controlling me, and my kids are taking up all my time?


Because, as a man, I made a commitment to that woman, before God and her family and my family, that I I’m going to protect and lead and guide her. I made a commitment before God, my wife and my kids that I’m going to lead and guide and protect them. So, that means, as men, we sacrifice some of these things.

Be a man who is willing to do, not what you want to do, but what you need to do.

Boys do what they want. Men do what needs to be done.

Are you an unorthodox boy, or will you be an unorthodox man?

Think on that.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Unorthodox Man! If you’d like to find out more about us, check us out at If you’d like to join our community and be a part of our conversation, find us on Facebook.

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