In 1987 I was 10 years old in the 3rd grade. It was also that year Suicidal Tendencies released their “Join The Army” album. On this album was one of my favorite ST songs “War Inside My Head”. Even 30 years later, this song still has power and impact in my life.
Ever since I was a young, man… I felt like there was a huge battle raging in my mind. I felt conflicted with feeling angry at the world around me because I felt rejected by them, but also wanting to be part of who they were. This specific song gave a voice to the conflict and frustration going on in my mind.
I have always been my own worst critic. I have always known my failures, shortcomings and dirty secrets. Because of these struggles, I have always been quick to remind myself that I’m a failure and a fraud.
It wasn’t until I was 19 and accepted Jesus that I found the only thing that gave me freedom.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1-2)
Through this verse, I have learned to control my thoughts and change how I see me.
Through changing the voices in my head, I have been able to hold on to God’s promises. Promises like:
Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. (Joshua 1:8)
I have held on to God’s word and used what it says to reset my thoughts, my personality and how I saw myself.
We need to know God’s word to know who we are.