Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic, episode 12 of Season 2. I’m your host and Mascot of Communication, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.
Washington, D.C. is now a border town. Texas Governor Abbott has sent six buses of illegal immigrants to the capitol. Kamala Harris responded by saying, “I find it really helpful, since I didn’t have time to visit the last time.”
It’s that Texas chivalry. You asked for an open door policy and he’s holding the door open for you, Kamala.
“Why did you come to Washington, D.C.?”
“I follow the President on Facebook, on Twitter. Now, I actually follow him.” Hey, I’m not gonna assume the nationality of the people on the bus.
A word of caution to our new visitors: Just be careful if you visit the Capitol, guys.
“They waved me on at the border. They waved me on at the Capitol… and now I have a souvenir from Pelosi’s desk.”
The President of the Texas International Produce Association said this is destroying “the reputation of Texas.” He must have just mean Austin.
Destroying the reputation of Texas… Now finish the sentence. C’mon. Finish it. It’s destroying the reputation of Texas… with liberals. So, it’s a complete success.
Did you see the Vanity Fair article on Governor Abbott? They don’t like him. First of all, a magazine called Vanity Fair is not going to be the epitome of investigative journalism searching for nothing but the facts.
I went to the Vanity Fair. The hall of mirrors was very fun. All the mirrors are equipped with Instagram filters.
Does anyone believe Vanity Fair is churning out real journalism? Yeah, some do. The Marxist side of the Democratic Party, and leftists, and Democrats just to the right of the Marxist side of the Democratic Party. So, yeah, some do.
I think it’s unfair to say that President Biden’s border policies are a failure, since he’d actually have to have a border policy in place to fail.
Many fail to distinguish between anti-illegal immigration and anti-immigration. We can solve this problem by using the common core math. The antis cancel each other out and immigrations cancel each other out. All that we’re left with is illegal. Now, that’s either stupid or willfully ignorant or promoted by our public schools.
Being anti-illegal immigration doesn’t mean being anti-immigration. My mother was an immigrant. I’m not anti-my-mother.
Biden hasn’t failed to secure the border. He’s just shortening Arizona and California.
Since Biden took office, Texas has “seized over 298 million lethal doses of fentanyl throughout the state.” Not all of it have been disposed of, but Hunter Biden is just one man.
The governor’s legal authority to transport busloads of migrants to the U.S. Capitol remains in question. But until that question’s answered—he’s doing it.
And they volunteer to go. Of course, those buses are also hauling all that fentanyl out of the state. Those French love their drugs. “Viva la Fentanyl!”
Biden is hoping that the war in the Ukraine will make gas prices too high to actually use the buses.
The 2012 Supreme Court case, Arizona v. the United States, prevents states from making their own immigration policies. Oh, it does? Well, someone should tell Texas. But all Texas is really doing is providing free transportation. It’s free! You think liberals would be in favor of anything free.
Unfortunately, the joke’s on the American people, because no matter where Texas sends them, we’re the ones who’ll be footing the bill. Maybe we could just all use Uber so the money goes back to the American people.
In other news, an 83-year-old California man was sentenced to prison for pocketing money he pretended to raise for Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders responded by saying, “Let’s not be so harsh. We’ve all done stupid things in our youth.”
But the big news of the week: President Joe Biden was censured by the Easter Bunny. Rumors are that Jesus isn’t too happy with him either.
While Biden was talking to the press, the Easter Bunny jumped in front of him and directed him away from the questions. But if the administration was honest, we all know that the questions aren’t the issue. It’s that Biden was answering them. This the authoritarian Easter Bunny would not allow.
So the DNC has revised the generic proverb, “Think for yourself,” to “Think for yourself… unless the Easter Bunny tells you not to.”
At least now we know who they is when Biden says things like, “I’d like to stay but they say I have to go…” They is the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Punxsutawney Phil (otherwise known as the Ground Hog), Jack Frost and the Sandman. (I left Santa off the list, because Santa is real.)
The GOP has accused the Easter Bunny of concealing eggs. But he’s not concerned, because Biden pardons the turkey every year.
It’s troubling enough that a holiday mascot bossed around the leader of the free world. But what’s more troubling is that he obeyed the bunny. It could be worse, he could still be taking orders from Fauci.
It’s no wonder the Easter Bunny and Joe Biden are such good friends. They’re both really good at hiding things.
I didn’t even know the Easter Bunny was part of his cabinet. What other holiday figures are part of his cabinet? The Ground Hog comes out and sees his shadow and the mask mandate is extended for six more weeks.
Airlines have lifted the mask mandate and the people rejoiced. Well, most of them, except for a few cult members. This Tweet from Mark Joseph Stern (typer for Slate magazine): “Who should decide whether passengers must wear masks? A federal agency staffed with experts accountable to the president who is accountable to the people? Or a 35-year-old Trump judge in Tampa?” It’s a rhetorical question, right? The Trump judge. Clearly, this Stern fellow has a lot of faith that this is how the government actually functions—accountability. Here I thought it was the job of a free press to keep politicians accountable? But they’ve become propaganda arms of the DNC. Stern, put on your mask, stay inside and don’t come out until the Easter Bunny tells you to.
That’s our program for today. For more episodes, visit Christian Podcast Central.com
That’s our program for today, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I want to thank our director, Jefferson Drexler, our executive producer, Joel Fieri, our social media master, Danny Avila, and my cowriter Ron McGehee. I’d also like to thank Ron Bass for our new intro graphics.
If you liked this episode, but sure to click like, because there is no “loved it” button. Even if you only found it mildly amusing, click like, because we might be funnier in the future. If you want to fight the rising tide of wokeness in this country, click like to join a truly peaceful protest. And please subscribe, because that’s the most meaningful vote of all.
I’m Thor Ramsey and I hope you’re less woke America.
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