In Which I Live Blog the Vice-Presidential Debate

Somewhere in America, there is someone who will vote for President based on tonight’s debate. That person is welcome to read what I write here . . . but for the rest of the United States population: we watch, because we have two older candidates for President and this job might matter, but probably will not.

The punter of the Packers may be MVP of the Super Bowl, is even eligible, but probably not. This is the punter’s debate. If someone once said the Vice-Presidency is not worth a bucket of warm “spit” (cleaned up for this blog), then this debate is not worth a bucket of cold spit.

Tonight the Berts of America join together without any Ernies in order to debate. Is beige warmer than off white? Is oatmeal more tasty than cream of wheat? We will learn tonight.

On the Republican side we have Governor Mike Pence, so colorless that Trump’s own kids think he is from Illinois. He made news when he first sided with sexual sanity and then decided to split the difference making everyone mad. He would have lost his race for reelection so becoming the only man under three hundred pounds willing to take the job of running as Donald Trump’s Vice-President.

Tim Kaine is most famous, well known to have existed, as a governor of Virginia elected with reasonable positions most of us would like who then sold out his Catholic values for national fame. If Secretary Clinton hated the Pope, Kaine would join Catholics with No Pope.

Both candidates get stories run on them that say “he is not as boring as . . .” which means he is as boring as . . .

And so we begin a debate as exciting as John Phillips Sousa without trumpets . . .

The first question is earnest . . . “What makes you qualified?”

Kaine: shouts out to integration at the local school. HRC is “history making.” This is not an answer to the question at all. Unlike HRC he seems like an actual human being . . . he does reinforce his resume. Kaine trusts HRC with his son and DJT scares him.

Pence: He begins with a blue tie that vibrates the screen. Pence. may. fall. asleep. as. “we look in.” We are here. Looking in. On Mike Pence. Change. DJT is thanked.

Why don’t people trust HRC?

Kaine: She has a passion for family and kids. He dodges her problems. He has talked about “putting others first.” Trump puts “others first.”

Is Trump a risky choice?

Pence: “architect of the Obama foreign policy” . . . Pence lands a shot and Kaine interrupts.

Kaine interrupts. The two slap back and forth like class nerds upset with the misuse of a logical fallacy.

Pence plods on. Kaine keeps interrupting. He has some facts, but he has an adenoidal voice.

Republican truisms pour forth from Mike Pence like milk from a cow, but at least he is normal. God help us: Mike Pence is normal. If he were the top of the ticket, I would think us dullards. That he is not the top of the ticket makes us think we are fools.

Tim Kaine has all the annoying hectoring of HRC without the charisma. Seriously. If Kaine decides to shimmy, I will stop this live blog.

Pence is asked about Trump’s taxes.

Pence turns it into asking whether we like the way things are.

Kaine is the Office and Pence is Parks and Recreation.

Kaine pushes Trump on releasing his taxes.

They both are talking over each other as white tries to paint over slightly off white.

Good news: We were told that after this debate, we would wish both the men at the bottom of the ticket were at the top. Given the people at the top of the ticket, it is still true that it would be better, but nobody would wish it. The grifters nominated the irritating: the class nerds who are trying to be cool.

God help this Republic.

Can one “live” blog a debate between two talking points colliding? Is this more a zombie blog?

Tim Kaine is a gun owner with scar tissue. He might want to keep his thumb away from the recoil of a semi-automatic.

Mike Pence has an uncle who was a cop. I wish he were running for President, the uncle. Mike Pence is not outraged in full slightly raised voice.

We are now discussing implicit bias . . . and the moderator mentions the (fabulous) speech by Senator Tim Scott.  Pence: we need to correct institutional bias, but without the reflexive response of bias. Law enforcement is a force for good . . . and so paint dries . . .

Kaine clobbers DJT on the many racist things he has said in the campaign. He argues that nobody at the top can demean people. Will Pence defend this?

No.

In fact, he did not.

The moderator turns to a new question of immigration.

Pence talks about the DJT plan and makes it dull. This is a good job. “I have to tell you . . . ” He then claims HRC delivers more insults than DJT. . .

Pence wins a round with Kaine. If you are still here, (Mom!) then you have seen Pence say something pointed. He points out that Trump does not want anything different from what exists . . . he just wants to empower those involved.

Kaine just nailed Trump by naming everything Trump actually said.

Pence now talks about what Pence would do if Pence were the candidate. The failures of HRC put us in a tough spot. He does nothing to defend Trump. Nothing. Mike Pence might be a good candidate, but he is not good at defending Trump. He dodges the tough quotes Kaine has given.

Mike Pence take on Iranian treaty. This is a good moment.

Kaine is hammering Pence on refugees, but Pence sounds better than Kaine. Pence sounds steady and if anyone is still awake, he is “winning.”

Pence: “we have err on the side of safety.”

This is good.

What is an intelligence surge Mr. Kaine?

Kaine talks about the cyber . . . he too thinks cyber is a noun that we have. We need more cyber. Buy cyber, young people. More cyber is more ministry.

Kaine has now fallen into a word salad of stuff about Trump that segues to stuff about HRC.

Pence said “asymmetrical” which may be the best word.

Once again the nearly useless moderator plays hall monitor making everyone try to be “good” . . .

Why do we have a moderator? The Lincoln-Douglass debate would not have been improved by having Horace Greeley moderate.

Mike Pence demonstrates more world knowledge than Trump has ever demonstrated.

Now Kaine ties everything to Trump and taxes. Pence says we “need American strength.”

How would safe zones work?

Pence knows. Does Trump? He says HRC is “weak and feckless.”

Kaine says that Pence doesn’t want to do things he actually did.  Kaine is back to the dumb things DJT has said. Pence is debating this irritating Bert with the burden of his back of DJT.

What Pence would like to say: “DJT has said some dumb things, but you have done horrible things.” He cannot say it, but he should.

Poor Pence is like Pilgrim debating with a burden on his back: his running mate.

Kaine suggest that we start by not calling “Putin a great leader” and then mic drops himself. Way to go Kaine in your mind Kaine.

Mike Pence is on the ropes due to his own candidate. Pence is now schooling Kaine on HRC and Kaine . . . if only he would defend DJT. He does not defend DJT.

Mike Pence now attacks Putin and the Russian economy.

Kaine wins this round, because Trump refuses to release his taxes. Pence might as well be running with cement overshoes.

If Kaine were a character in Trollope, he would be the unctuous Mr. Slope. He is the overly sincere youth group leader who grows up to be the hectoring pastor . . . unless he wants to be rich and influential, in which he case he sells his soul to the establishment and adds his zeal to graft.

If Pence were a character in Trollope, he would be Lily Dale who would be happy if only the man she loved were not a cad.

Kaine flails the Trump foundation and compares the Clinton foundation to the Trump. The comparison is not good for DJT and that is amazing.

We now talk about faith and public policy.

Kaine: Irish Catholic. Catholic education. He “practices” his religion in his personal life. He discusses the death penalty and how he upheld the law. This is a good answer if you think ethics comes from the state.

Pence: “wonderful question” . . . “keep faith with values” . . . “sanctity of life” . . . “before you were formed in the womb I knew you.’ Adoption not abortion. Pro-life personal views. . . and yet public killing?

Kaine: we should live our moral values, but not make them law.

Pence misses the point and refuses to point out the MURDER IS NOT AN OPTION. Pence finally gets to the point and talks about not letting people decide who should die based on their own conscience.

Kaine points out (again) that Pence will not defend Trump. And he has not. It is painful to watch a decent man try to do so.

Kaine gives Clinton his full endorsement . . . and Pence . . . just plods on. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Why not Trump? Because now pro-life has been tied to the misogynist. Why not Clinton? Because she has corrupted the morals of a good Catholic man like Kaine so he can get power.

Both candidates are unfit. Both Vice-Presidents are fit, but burdened by the top of the ticket yet too grey and weak to overcome the burden. Weak leaders, disliked by Americans, picked weaker men, more boring than their ties, to not overshadow them.

This is ugly and sad.

Pence won in the sense that being in a room with Tim Kaine for more than ten minutes would be like being trapped on Craggy Island with one of the priests there. Kaine is the single most irritating man in America if you can stay awake for the irritation. I am betting most Americans did not.