We can inherit height, eye color, and some propensities from our ancestors, but we might overlook some other good things that come from our fathers and mothers. If we connect properly to our family roots, and we should as far as we can, then we can benefit from the good those gone before us have done.
We might inherit friends or at least find people with the history to become our friends. These connections can stretch back many generations.
I watched such a connection happen.
A gift from our ancestors
My dad became Orthodox later in his life after decades in the pastorate. He met another convert priest and discovered they were both from West Virginia. That’s nifty, but then they kept talking, and Father Symeon realized his grandmother had heard Dad’s grandfather preach in Grapevine, West Virginia. Now, metropolitan Grapevine has a population of roughly small, give or take a house or two. That Dad could join the Church of ancient Antioch and immediately find a man from Grapevine whose grandmother knew his grandfather was amazing!
The family connection predisposed the two to be friends. My great-grandfather, Lewis Dayton Reynolds, did good work with Father Symeon’s family. This was remembered, and so a bond was established between his grandson (named Lewis Dayton Reynolds after him) and Father Symeon.
Ancient people understood we could owe a duty to our ancestor’s friends, have the assumption that we must provide good cheer for those who hosted our family in the past, and that we could inherit friendship.
Battle of the Guest-Friends
Iliad describes the power of inherited friendship. Diomedes and Glaukos are getting ready to kill each other, as men do in Iliad. They pause the butchery to exchange the customary insults, try to discover the status of the man they are fighting, and make sure they are not accidentally up against a god!
Glaukos, the younger man, gets to engage in a bit of comic relief. He engages in a long discussion of who his ancestors were and what they did. During this storytelling, as gruesome death comes to Greeks and Trojans around them, Diomedes discovers great good news: their ancestors had been friends and so Glaukos and Diomedes should be friends!
At this, joy came to Diomêdês, loud in battle. 250 With one thrust in the field where herds had cropped he fixed his long spear like a pole, and smiled at the young captain, saying gently:
“Why, you are my friend! My grandfather, Oineus, made friends of us long years ago. He welcomed Prince Bellérophontês in his hall, his guest for twenty days. They gave each other beautiful tokens of amity: Grandfather’s offering was a lion-guard sewn in purple, Bellérophontês gave a cup of gold 260 two-handled; it is in my house; I left it there, coming away to Troy. I cannot remember Tydeus, my father—I was still too young when he departed, when the Akhaian army came to grief at Thebes. I am your friend, sworn friend, in central Argos. You are mine in Lykia, whenever I may come. So let us keep away from one another’s weapons in the spear-fights of this war. Trojans a-plenty will be left for me, 270 and allies, as god puts them in my path; many Akhaians will be left for you to bring down if you can. Each take the other’s battle-gear; let those around us know we have this bond of friendship from our fathers.”*
The “guest-friend” was so important that Zeus, the chief Olympian himself, was their patron and protector. The guest and host formed a bond. A cause of the entire Trojan War was the betrayal of the guest-friend relationship by Paris of Troy. Paris betrayed his host and became an historically bad guest when he ran off with Helen, the wife of the host.
Why should we take this idea seriously in our own time?
First, family history can give a powerful impulse to friendship. When Father Symeon and Dad spoke, they gained an origin story for a friendship. A good beginning, tied to old family names, is a great bond for establishing a friendship.
Second, we honor our ancestors (a Divine command) when we value (as much as we can) any alliance they have made. Our acknowledgment of the good our ancestors have done us in the past enables us to love them in a new way. Gratitude is good for the soul.
Third, our ancestors are part of us. Body and soul are essential to our individual existence. We would not have been born if they had died too soon. We should not be shocked to discover we are like they were!
Finally, the guest-friend gives gifts. Who does not love gifts? Just make sure the guest-friend is trustworthy:
Both men jumped down then to confirm the pact, taking each other’s hands. But Zeus had stolen Glaukos’ wits away—the young man gave up golden gear for bronze, took nine bulls’ worth for armor worth a hundred!
Father Symeon is a great inherited friend. Father Symeon was not a cheat in exchanging gifts. Dad’s armor was safe! Instead, this inherited friend became a great supporter of our school and went from guest-friend to personal friend.
Thanks, Dad, for a great inherited friend.
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*Iliad (translated by Robert Fitzgerald) Book VI.
Rachel Motte edited this post.
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