Prophecy Fulfilled Today in the Book of DANIEL! (Lightly Revised)

1 In the second year of the administration of Jerry II of Lynchburg came the Leader of Babylon unto Lynchburg, and besieged  it.

² And the Lord gave Jerry II  president of Lynchburg into his hand, with part of heritage of the American church: which the Leader carried into the land of Babylon to the house of his god; and Donald brought the heritage  into the treasure house of his god.

³ And Donald spake unto Michael the master of his eunuchs, that he should bring certain of the children of Lynchburg, and of Jerry II’s  seed, and of the Prosperity Teachers;

⁴  Preachers on screen whom was no visible blemish, but well favoured, and skillful in all rhetoric, and cunning in graft, and understanding non-disclosure, and such as had ability in them to stand in the White House, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Babylonians.

⁵ And the Donald appointed them a daily provision of the king’s Twitter time, and of the Kool-Aid  which he served: so nourishing them three years, that at the end thereof they might stand before the Donald.

⁶ Now among these were of the children of Lynchburg, Jerry, Paula, Robert, and Tim Clinton (though represented by Ye Ghost Writer):

⁷ Unto whom the Vice President of the eunuchs gave names: for he gave unto Jerry the name of Grifter; and to Paula, of Semple-McPherson; and to Robert, of Jeff; and to Tim Clinton, of Ghosty.

⁸ But Christian purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the President’s meat, nor with the wine which he served: therefore he requested of the Vice President of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.

⁹ Now God had brought Christian into favour and tender love with the Vice President of the eunuchs.

¹⁰ And the Vice President of the eunuchs said unto Christian, I fear my lord the Donald, who hath appointed your meat and your drink: for why should he see your faces worse liking than the children which are of your sort? then shall ye make me endanger my head to the Donald.

¹¹ Then said Christian to Michael, whom the Vice President of the eunuchs had set over Christian, Semple-McPherson, Jeff, and Ghosty,

¹² Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give me pulse to eat, and water to drink.

¹³ Then let my countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the Donalds’s meat: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants.

¹⁴ So he consented to him in this matter, and proved him ten days.

¹⁵ And at the end of ten days Christian’s countenance  appeared fairer and fatter in flesh than all the Television Evangelists and Fake Psychologists which did eat the portion of the Donald’s meat.

¹⁶ Thus Michael took away the portion of their meat, and the wine that they should drink; and tried to give them backbone.

¹⁷ As for these four children that did go to the dinner of the Donald, God removed from them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom: but Christian had understanding in all blogs and memes.

¹⁸ Now at the end of the days that the Donald had said he should bring them in, then the Vice President of the eunuchs brought them in before the Donald.

¹⁹ And the Donald mocked them; and among them all was found none like Christian, but the compromised frauds were rejected by the Donald, for he knew those he could buy cheaply.

²⁰ And in all matters of wisdom and understanding, that the Donald enquired of them, he found Christian ten times better than all the frauds, grifters, and Christian college administrators that were in all his realm.

²¹ And Christian continued Christian even unto the first year of the next adminstration