A curse might be that a male gets what he thinks he wants. If all men are mortal, as the logical syllogism asserts, then another assertion might be that most mortal men do not know what they want. When male desires are turned to women (the other gender), the probability of error is increased.
Dorothy Sayers saw part of the problem for these men (God forgive me!) was a desire to make women dependent on men for meaning and happiness. Males make idols in their own image and bid the “second” sex to worship. Unfortunately, like all the idolatrous, the end is destruction.
If a female human grovels to a man and not to God, then she will become less than human. People are designed to worship God alone and no man.* This is equally true of men who wish to worship a woman, the She Who Must Be Obeyed of H. Rider Haggard fame. The woman who grovels to a false god will be despised in the end, just as a reader cannot help but loath the man captured by She. The devilish Adam wishes to capture the worship of Eve, but if he gets it, then over time what he first desired is destroyed. Idolatry breeds misogyny.
The female characters in Sayer’s novels fail if they build their lives around men. The great romance between Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane is not one of dependence (in either case), but the love of a male human and a female human worshipping God alone. The failed characters in Sayers (male and female) often are those with not enough human interests who are reduced to snaring someone of the opposite sex.
From Sayer’s Have His Carcass, this lesson is applied to women in a lounge by Harriet Vane (often the thinly disguised voice of Sayers):
Men, she thought, like the illusion that woman is dependent on their approbation and favour for her whole interest in life. But do they like the reality? Not, thought Harriet, bitterly, when one is past one’s first youth. The girl over there, exercising S.A. (Sex Appeal) on a group of rather possessive-looking males, will turn into a predatory hag like the woman at the next table, if she doesn’t find something to occupy her mind, always supposing that she has a mind. Then the men will say she puts the wind up them.
Men tend to ask “What do women want?” This is asking not just a bad question, but a question that will generate answers in the sort of man who asks it that are (almost!) sure to make things worse. A man is not, after all, tasked utterly to fulfill the needs of “women.” He might be fortunate to serve his Lady Wife, but she is a person, a woman, and not “women.” We are not meant to live alone, man and women need each other, but this is not always in the context of romance or marriage.
Women are, as Dorothy Sayers brilliantly put it, human. That is most fundamental, what the two genders share is greater than what they do not share. The differences are delightful, but only if the first fundamental truth is acknowledged: female and male are created to worship God alone.
This reality means in community, celibacy and singleness are gifts to be celebrated and not a curse. The woman without a man with a mind properly occupied will find the approbation and favor of God Almighty.
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*This can be discussed without reference to “sameness” of the sexes or if there are unique roles in life for the genders.
**Disclaimer: I have made so many mistakes in my life I can only pray: “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”
Dorothy Sayers mysteries are a terrific summer read. Everyone can enjoy and learn from her brilliance, but men should stop, listen, think about what she is saying, and adjust our desires accordingly
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