Fear of Feeling (part 1)

I was reading an article in a spirituality magazine the other day about emotional intelligence. It spoke of mindfulness as a solution for managing emotions. Mindfulness suggests awareness and acceptance of thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations. That’s a great place to start.

So, I am aware of my feelings and I accept that I have feelings. I am aware that I am angry, and I accept that I want to rip your head off. I can be present with that. I can allow it to be. Now what do I do?

Emotions come from the heart. Yet, we like to think our way through the emotional state and problem-solve this whole issue of feelings.

Why turn to the mind for answers about the heart? Fear of feeling? Most people fear at least the negative feelings, and for some, the happy expansive feelings can also be uncomfortable. As a culture, we Americans tend to fear emotions.

Have you ever been called emotional? How does that feel?

To say someone is emotional, i.e. overtly expresses their emotional state, has a negative connotation. Whether they are giddy happy or sad or angry, calling someone emotional implies weakness, out of control, dangerous, irrational, or flighty. We dare not allow ourselves to feel emotions and risk association with such lowliness.

The mind, on the other hand, is revered. We respect people who are logical, rational and behave themselves!

My Journey with Feeling
When I was a young child, my heart ached for all of the world’s challenges. I was what they call hyper-sensitive. I cried for every suffering I saw – human, animal or planet, in person, in the paper or on television.

I remember my sister telling me one day, “If you want to survive in this world, you’re going to have to toughen up!” So I did. In that very instant, I took a deep breath and exhaled all my emotions down below my heart and closed the door on them so they couldn’t come back up. I was going to survive!

I lived with a closed heart for another 15 years. I went through life doing what I needed to do to survive. I went to college and got good grades. I had what I thought at the time was fun, mostly partying myself into oblivion, but I didn’t feel emotions.

Then one day, totally out of the blue, I had a miraculous spiritual awakening. Suddenly, among other things, I could feel again and it was wonderful. It also opened up in me the knowing that everything was love and love is all that matters.

I instantly stopped sweating the small stuff, which means I let go of the worry, anxiety and anger that had replaced the sadness. The knowing of love in me and all around me was consuming – in a very good way.

One thing I learned from the spiritual awakening experience was that feelings have an important role in our lives, and if we understand them, they can be a catalyst for spiritual transformation.

Feelings are not a design flaw
Feelings are a part of our natural design. We are meant to feel.

Emotions give us information about what is happening along our journey. They let us know how we’re doing and how we are relating to the events of the journey. If we’re here as spiritual beings on a journey to learn and to love, we need this information.

At our core, we are made of Divine Love, we are eternally connected to that love no matter what happens in this 3-D world. Our deep hearts know this, and at the core of everything we do, including and especially those things we call mistakes, we are seeking to reunite with the love we know inside.

I want to share a poem from the famous Sufi poet, Rumi:

Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

– Jalal ad-Din Rumi
translated by Coleman Barks

Emotions are not to be feared, and they do not make us bad. Our emotions provide a doorway to reconnect with the love inside our hearts. They are to be welcomed and felt. They are our teachers. As Rumi says, “each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

Over the next few posts, I’m going to be sharing more about emotions and the gift of feeling. I’m going to share about how suppressed feelings manifest in the physical body and how they affect our lives. I’m also going to share about how to connect with emotions and find the doorway to true healing and spiritual transformation.

It’s too long for one post, so please stay tuned. Meanwhile, enjoy your guests and teachers!  As best you can, take a deep breath and be grateful for the ability to feel!

Blessings,
Mastura

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