baby name blues & other preggo news

I think other things may be bothering me, but right now it’s manifesting in not being able to choose a name for our baby.  Is this completely redonkulous or what?

The current conundrum is that for baby boy’s middle name  I want a family name from my Father’s side to celebrate our baby’s African-American heritage.

Problem is we want to skip over my Dad, (see 2nd to last post) but the further we go back the less we know.  For me, it’s not a big deal.  It’s about re-claiming history and choosing to celebrate who God has made me through giving our baby a name which celebrates his unique heritage.

It feels especially important to me maybe because with our 1st son,  Ransom we gave him his Father’s name for his middle name.  It saddens me that a lack of inaccessible information would keep Dave from what seems to me a no-brainer.

I want this baby to have something that is a part of his African-American heritage since chances are he won’t have the skin color, hair texture or any other distinction to hold as his own that he is in fact a part of a beautiful race of people which his Mama is very proud of.  This whole discussion has me completely deflated.

As for the first name, we just don’t agree.  For some reason as time barrels on I just get sadder and sadder about it.  The other day Dave suggested we toss out every thing we have with a new list and just start over. (What the sam smack?!?!)  I sort of wanted to bust out in hopeless tears.

Seriously?  This is the most ridiculous thing to be upset about!  The fact that we may have to fight to the death compromise and that I may not love my baby’s name… it feels so gut-wrenching!  I want to love what we name our baby & it feels like my sweet husband is just a big giant roadblock to my eternal happiness.

Well, hopefully you were able to catch the sarcasm and hidden self-deprecating humor in that statement because he’s not the bad one here.  It’s his baby too and he deserves the right to also enjoy the little tikes ultimate moniker.

I spent time praying last night that God would help me to either fall in love with Dave’s #1 choice or vice-versa or that God would help me to just not care and let Dave choose whatever name(s) he wants or vice-versa.  (Really hoping God chooses to help Dave just not care & let me pick! 🙂

Realized today if this is my biggest problem, I really shouldn’t complain.

In other preggo news…

• I’m up to 190 pounds now!  Hoping to hit 200!  Why?  Because why not?  I’m not really pressed about it.  It could be cool to say “hey once I weighed over 200 pounds!”  As it is, perfect strangers are shocked when I tell them I still have 3-4 weeks left.  I’m HUMUNGOUS.
• My mobility has drastically decreased.  It’s so hard to get around, get up, get down, put shoes on, etc.
• My exhaustion levels took a big nose dive in the last 3-4 days.
• Restless leg syndrome sucks.  I had it so bad with Ransom & has recently picked up with this little man.
• If I had to make a prediction based on size, pelvic pressure and uncomfortability I definitely don’t think I will last another 27 days until my due date.  I sort of feel like it could be anytime now.  I’m officially “full-term” today at 37 weeks so bring it on baby!
• I’m still slightly fearful of labor and dreading the pain of contractions and pushing.  It really does suck doesn’t it ladies?  When God put a curse on us, he put a curse on us!
• I’m way less prepared with this one than with Ransom when Dave & I took Lamaze & I read every book on breathing and actually practiced daily Kegels & relaxation techniques for the last 6 months of the pregnancy.  Now, I couldn’t be bothered with all of that.  This certainly doesn’t boost my morale for this upcoming torture birth.

I think I’m just overwhelmed, and overtired and need to go to sleep!