Black Women, Please Can We Fix This? Part 2

After last nights tirade post I could barely sleep as I thought about the deeper issues at hand that must not be ignored.

I’m an educated black woman so I cannot merely spout my anger without saying these things:

I understand & acknowledge that there are layers upon layers of deep and historical racial issues undermining peace in this issue.

I understand & acknowledge that the differences that exist between us go back more than 100 years ago when slaves were pitted up against each other based solely on skin color and hair texture which sadly today means I am still more priviledged in many contexts due to my light skin & “good hair.”

I understand & acknowledge that for many years, society has told us that white women characteristics in both body & hair type are the standard of beauty.

I understand & acknowledge that when my African-American father was growing up in the 50’s & 60’s people like Malcolm X were taking intentional steps to release blacks from the weight of what whites said we should be looking like, dressing like or doing our hair.  And I thank God for what Malcolm did for us.  He made a tremendous impact.

I understand & acknowledge that we have done crazy things like lightening our skin, and damaging our hair in the name of chasing what we think will lead to better things.  And I know that we are sick of it.

I understand & acknowledge that the last time I went in for a job interview (over 10 yrs. ago now) I wore my hair either slicked back in a bun, or pressed because I didn’t want to intimidate the white people who interviewed me.

I understand & acknowledge that even today many of my professional black friends can’t wear natural hair styles to work in a “professional” setting, and that -regarding our hair- subtle racism still exists.

I understand that for so many of my black friends who have decided to go 100%natural all the time it’s about being empowered & loving yourself the exact way that God made you and the exact way that God made your hair to grow out of your head.

I understand & acknowledge that all of these things exist and a whole lot more complicated nuances that I am too ignorant to articulate.

However, in regards to the differences that exist between women who perm/press & those who are 100% natural, this is what I say in light of the aforementioned items…

We don’t all need the same thing.  And on top of that our experiences in this country are so different.

For example, my white mother didn’t know what a straightening perm was.  She learned to do my hair naturally & taught me as best she could to take care of my naps with baby oil.  She kept my hair in lots of braids and twists for many years never using chemicals which resulted in my hair growing down to my butt by the time I hit 6th grade.

One of my best friends mothers starting pressing my hair -and taught me to- beginning in the 8th grade but I didn’t get a my 1st perm until I was 24 years old.  At that point I remember the joy and elation I felt at something that existed which suddenly made my life so much more convenient!  It was like someone had been keeping a wonderful secret from me!

On the flipside, I know that for friends of mine like Tereva (see yesterdays comments) after 21 years of perms & never having saw her mothers natural hair she wants to do something different.  For her, the decision to be natural represents loving herself and hair the way it is made though it is far less convenient.  And for that I say, hurrah! 🙂

But we are all not as strong as Tereva are we?  (See Chante’s comment as well).

~There are some of us who need and long for convenience.

~There are some of us, like me who grow completely restless with the same hairstyle.  I cannot keep my hair permed & pressed for entire calender year.  I cannot keep my hair natural for an entire calender year.  I cannot keep it one length, or one style – I just GET BORED.  Redonkulously bored, yall.

~There are some of us who need to be able to wash’n’go quickly due to life stage.  (young mom’s, etc.)

~There are some of us who have a big hair budget & like to experiment (in my dreams yall).

What I’d like moving forward is for all of those things (& more) to be considered for all black women, so that I don’t feel like less of a black woman for choosing a hairstyle for convenience sake as opposed to other reasons.

Seriously, I’m working full-time, I have two young babies (yes one is still in the belly), I’m a student, wife, home-owner, writer, blogger & I can’t imagine a worse existence than also having to deal with the 10 hr. a week job that is caring for my natural hair.  I cannot handle it right now for any reason.  Not one single reason.  I’m stressed just thinking about.

Yet, I still love being a black woman, I still love and am proud as all get out to be a part of such an esteemed group of strong women and I hope that everyday my life somehow adds to the beauty and diversity of our wonderful people.

And yep, I still love myself & though my hair is a big pain in the butt, on most days I love my hair & I love the way God made it.  Mostly I love that I don’t have to wash it every day & that it does so many cool things for me.  I love how it looks curly and I love how it looks straight.  I love how it photographs well, etc. 🙂

(Now, this is another post for another day, but I do struggle to love the way God made my skin color, I mean seriously God could I not have been a tiny bit darker for crying out loud???).

In closing, I’ll tell you this story.  A few months ago a friend of mine was telling me about her natural, at home birth and trying to educate me on the merits of birthing this way.  She wasn’t trying to convince me but make a good case.

She said doing her birth that way made me her feel so EMPOWERED and that she felt like there was nothing she could not do.  Good for her! 😉  I’m proud of what she did.

However, 2 years ago, I ran a marathon (that’s 26.2 miles, ya know) & 1 yr. before that I participated in an intense 12-week body building competition.

I told my friend, “I’m sorry but I don’t need natural birth to feel empowered.  I feel doggone empowered all ready.”  A difficult birth is 2-3 days, training for a marathon and body building are days, weeks & month of blood, sweat & tears.

In this same way, we all need different things and I’m content & secure enough to say that you need to do & live with whatever hairstyle empowers you, makes you feel beautiful & love yourself.  And I will do the same.

And hopefully, we can love each other through the complexity.

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