The Cleavage Conundrum: Part 2 (Unsqueezed Book Club week 2)

First things first:

1.  See yesterday’s post for the beginning of the cleavage conundrum!

2.  This post is also part of my Unsqueezed: Springing Free from Skinny Jeans, Nose Jobs, Highlights and Stilettos, Book Club (Chapter 2)  Good news!  (I’m in the process of getting a password protected forum set up on a page of my blog.  I bit the bullet and offered the cold hard cash to a computer genius.  Let’s hope it’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship between Gabbing with Grace book club participants (that’s you) and me.  =) I love books & I so hope I will do many many more book clubs through my blog!  It’s worth the money, I think.  It’s an investment into our combined futures! =)

On to the great conundrum of the day: what are our boobs worth to us?

As I mentioned yesterday, a young freshman girl with her boobs hanging out -almost to the nipple- got me thinking about how protective I can be of freshman whether they are involved with our chapter on campus or not!  (For the newer folks around these parts, I’ve worked in campus ministry for 10 years with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA. –I’m quite the Mother Hen of my brood)! =)

One of my number one concerns for these young ducklings is that they don’t begin a culture in their lives of using their bodies to get what they want.  It’s not just the ladies either.  I’m saddened at all the man-hoe’s as well.  I’m not stupid, I know the freshman boys are prowling around looking for “fresh meat”, hoe-ing themselves out to whomever they can convince to sleep with them.

Here’s the deal, I am 33 doggone years old and I know a few things about life & sexuality now:

Number 1) Having a great deal of useless sex with a bunch of different people is not the road to having a GREAT time while your in college.*

Number 2) Having a great deal of useless sex with a bunch of different people is the not the road to sexual empowerment, or empowerment as a woman, or the key to the self-confidence of a pimply 18-yr. old boy.

Number 3) Having a great deal of useless sex with a bunch of different people is not fulfilling some great dream in life.  In fact, most of the folks I’ve talked to about it –which is A LOT– have said they truly regret all the partners they had in their fragile college years, myself included.

And no, it’s not just women who say these things.  Think about it, how many people do you know who say, “wow, I am like soooooo glad I slept with so many people!”?

*In regards to #1, some of you may have had (or are having) a great time having a lot of promiscuous college sex, but you have to ask -if you want to be responsible, that is- what affect is all this sex having on you AND on your partners?  Is it leaving a trail of broken-hearts, STD’s, morning-after abortions, etc? You cannot separate the consequences from the behavior.  Even if the consequences are not directly affecting you.*

My goal is not that the freshman (or any age woman) divorce the college experience from fun —-I just want them to experience their boobs, their sex and their fun all at the same time: in the context of marriage.

In that context there is no oops-HIV-oops-pregnancy-oops-regret-oops-guilt-oops-shame.

In that context, yes, let your boobies hang out.  Let them come out to play everyday if you want!

Call me crazy, but I am convinced that using your ample bosoms to feel better about yourself can lead to circumstances which can produce torrential consequences on these young tenderloins.  Being 18-23 and on your on own for the first time is a precious time to figure out who you are separate from your beliefs about what you have to offer physically.

As Margot says in her book in chapter 2, the last thing we need is folks telling us -directly or indirectly- that we are good enough, not good enough, inadequate or extremely adequate, etc. based solely on our bodies!

It’s really redonkulous if you think about it.

Why does someone else get to decide what is good and what is not good about being YOU?

Especially when it’s a whole culture of persuasion, not necessarily the advice of one person.

And most especially because (I believe though you may not) that God gives us our value irregardless of our physical appearance.

Every time we turn on the TV or open a magazine we need to ask ourselves these questions: “what is this advertising scheme -yes, scheme- trying to tell me about my myself?”  or “Why exactly do they want me to believe that I need to buy their product?”  (or something similar)!

I loved that Margot argues that some of these Extreme-Makeover-like shows make us turn inward, focusing on all our “bad” parts, wishing we too could change things about our bodies.  I confess that many years ago, the first time I saw one of those horrible shows I thought, “oooh, I’d like a Tummy tuck, a breast reduction, my toes shortened, my teeth fixed and lip implants.”  This was pre-babies mind you!

As my friend Jenni and I watched the show I told her this.  She said, “Gracie, why?  You are all ready pretty!”  And I said, “but, I’m not pretty enough!”

Oh for crying out loud.

Thank God I can tell you I was still a teen-ager when those thoughts passed through my silly little head…though now, I feel similarly at times.  I.E. “I am such a chubby girl now.  Wow.  I am so chubby.  A total chubster.”

I’ll just sit and play with my belly rolls and feel sad about it like it’s cancerous or something.

(Not that I don’t need to get off my tush and work out for health’s sake, but I also don’t need to feel gross or less than valuable because I got a pretty big muffin-top right now).

On page 31, Margot says that shame about our bodies is making a home in the lives of all women no matter what race & ethnicity in these ways:

…our belief that we are not quite right as we are…

…the idea that we should do anything to fix ourself up a bit because the way that we are naturally made isn’t preferable…

…the belief that we should pour time, energy and money into changing ourselves physically (because your worth it)!

…the belief that we should sacrifice to look good because our career may be on the line…

…the belief that looking a certain way is of far greater importance than being actually healthy…

…the belief that Yo Mama was right about your physical shortcomings…

…the belief that you can -and should- justify spending thousands, hundreds (or money you don’t have) on expensive, time-consuming and self-obsessive ways as you strive for physical attractiveness.

…the idea that is okay to disguise who you really are and what you really look like…

…the fact that we feel like we cannot be free from the pressure we feel to fit into the world’s mold of physical beauty (even in your Church or place of worship)…

Don’t believe these lies my beautiful sisters!  You are more than your body!

Here’s a better use for your cleavage…

It was a nice idea and all, but that would not work for me!

RECAP QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION/DISCUSSION

1. Have you watched reality TV shows that have been harmful for you?  (makeover shows or even shows like “Keeping up with the Kardashians,”  send me a lot of messages about my value and worth physically).
2. Do you show cleavage purposefully?  Why or why not?
3. Are you prone to buy a product that markets it can fix your body in some way?  If so, do you think there is anything wrong with that?  Why or why not?

I know these are big issues, with many lies ingrained deeply into our psyche.  My only advice is not to allow yourself to get defensive as you consider whether or not there are different ways to think about these things.  Another piece of advice, go buy the book! Read! Think! Discuss!

Unsqueezed: Springing Free from Skinny Jeans, Nose Jobs, Highlights and Stilettos

Lastly, leave your comments here -with a forum to come- and comment after one another to get a healthy dialogue going.

For beauty in all the right ways,