I am Going to Be Okay

On a whim, I picked up Holly Gerth’s newest book, You’re Going to Be Okay from the library.  Mostly because I have made soooooo many mistakes in the past few months and my life has understandably and perhaps predictably fallen to shit.  Ultimately, I checked it out because I needed a little reassurance, even though books this overtly saccharine aren’t typically my thing. I rolled my eyes all the way back into my head when in the intro she states “if sometimes you have bad hair days, this book is for you.”  And I put it down because I knew this book would only make me angry and somehow racist like almost everything does.  But the next day was even worse than the day I checked out the book, so I opened it again.

And then it got better.  And then I started taking the book with me everywhere I went, ya know, if I ‘got bored,’ and had an extra 5 minutes lying around.  And then about 4 days ago, I was all screw-life-everything-and-everyone-is-awful-and-why-hasn’t-God-blown-us-all-to-smithereens-yet so I picked up the book and got half way through it. And then 3 days ago, I realized this book is MINISTERING to me, yo!  And then yesterday, I was all fine-I-like-this-book-okay-fine!  And then today, I realized this book has become somewhat priceless to me because just 4 days ago I just really wanted to magically cease to exist…and now, somehow I feel magically hope-filled even though my horrendously awful circumstances haven’t changed.

It’s a great book. I repent in sackcloth and ashes for my judgmental eye-rolling behavior.

One of the best little nuggets that I picked up on today had to do with identifying one’s Signature Insecurity Strategy by assessing one’s Signature Insecurity and one’s fly off the handle response when said insecurity is “pushed.” Holley suggests you work to change your response to this over time with God’s help.  Apparently, our greatest insecurity is often bound up with our greatest gifts.  For me, as a communicator by gifting and passion, I take A LOT of pride and accomplishment in writing, speaking, dressing, presenting or anything that communicates.  I’d rather be thirsty in a desert for 12 hrs. than be misunderstood.  Being misunderstood throws me off my eva-lovin’ rocker and I become this INSANE woman of WILD emotions and INTENSE anger and over-the-top behavior of fight or flight.  Hence, a few angry blog posts or ellenty-hundred few angry Facebook posts.

By being set off I either alienate friends through anger or I silence myself, i.e. “I shouldn’t finish my book because no one will understand or believe me.”  This a life changing mind set renewal.

I’m going to finish the book.  I’m going to be okay.

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