The Next Big Transition

Life is about to be a different bit and I’m feeling up to the challenge.  As I mentioned a little while ago in my blog about depression that sometimes when I’m facing major transitions I get so overwhelmed I can barely get started.  Thank God, right now is not one of those times.

In order to live the type of life I want to live, I forced myself through fear to undergo several major transitions in the past few years.  From beginning my grad work to obtain an M.Div, to applying for (& getting!) a brand new job within InterVarsity, to going on a 12-month sabbatical in my work with InterVarsity, to focusing on writing a book, to taking on more interesting speaking engagements, to deciding to move forward with baby #2, heck, even moving my blog to WordPress was a stressful transition for me.  The changes have been back-to-back-to-back.

And now, here comes the next biggie…

After a healthy amount of thought, and prayers, and tears, and discussion with my husband, and best friends and supervisors we decided that -starting tomorrow- from now on, until further notice, I’m dropping my hours to 20 a week.    This, as opposed to the 40-50 hours per week I’ve been clocking since I began ministry with InterVarsity in Jan. 2001.

Why is that such a big deal? you may be asking.  Especially since the change doesn’t represent a change of income, thanks to my new promotion as the BCM Regional Coordinator.

Well, if your interested in why I’ve been stressing like a mug, keep reading.

For one, my life as a mother has been spent as a full-time working mother.  When our first born, Ransom was born I went straight back to work with an increasing amount of travel.  For the most part, I’ve really enjoyed my working life with IV, especially since it is super flexible and is very family friendly.  Ransom traveled with me on about half my trips.

But now, I’m not going to just be defined as a “working mother.”  I’m going to have to learn what it means to do the things my stay-at-home-mom friends do.  Things like making a schedule for each day when “all you do is watch the kids all day.”  Things like learning to grocery shop and run errands with kids in tow because what other option is there.

Believe it or not, I’ve never done these things.  My work has been flexible enough to allow errands during childcare hours.  I’m actually a wee bit nervous at trying to figure out how to keep a house, watch the kids, get dinner going and take care of myself all day, 3 times a week.

I feel like a terribly wimpy mother for owning up to this, but it’s true.  It feels easier to pack up my laptop and head to campus every day honestly.

Number two, being a Mama who also happens to LOVE my job makes this transition all the more hard.  I like what I do.  Every day is different.  I long for all sorts of new and exciting challenges and there’s a job I want to see get done.  For that reason alone, I have enjoyed throwing myself completely into the job of seeing college students transformed by and for Jesus.  Now, I have to learn to do all of what I was doing, plus adding other campuses in Michigan, Ohio, W. Pennsylvania and W. Virginia –in 20 non-stretchable hours!

Finally, it’s scary to think about all the things that I’m going to be thinking about everyday and learning to manage it all.  Things like…

• Have I showered today?  I need to shower.  I need to spend time with God and pray.  I need to eat breakfast and make time to workout.
• Rhys needs to eat.
• Are the kids clothes clean?  When was the last they were bathed?
• What are we having for dinner?  That reminds me to go to the bank, and to the grocery store.
• What about bills?  When was the last time I opened mail?  Where is my checkbook?
• What do I need to help Ransom do for pre-school?  Rhys needs to eat.
• I need to blog today.  (I have to at least every 3 days to keep my ads).
• What I need to do for school?  I should finish reading that book.  I’m tired I should go to bed.
• We need to send out an email to our donors.  We need to write thank you notes to our donors.
• I need to think about our students at WMU –what’s next? (A list of 30 to-do’s ensues).
• What are my 50 next steps in fund-development?
• Rhys needs to eat.
• And when should I next try to tackle more book writing?  I’m tired, I should just go to bed… or blog… or clean.
• What all needs to happen so that I can get myself and the boys up and ready to go and be out the door by 8:30am.  (A miracle I’m sure).

Etc. Etc. Etc.

The thing is, I know all mothers -working part-time, full-time, or no-time- learn to manage house, husband, babies, jobs, dreams, goals, school, etc. so I think I, too can do these things.

My friend, J, who is a stay-at-home Mama is very overwhelmed with her two school-aged kids.

Another friend of mine is very overwhelmed as a full-time working Mama of two.

Then there’s me 1/2 my time working & 1/2 my time staying-at-home –also wondering if this will work.

We all do it, with different levels of fear and trepidation.

I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.

Any advice from you Mama’s of any variety?

Here goes nothin’… 🙂