Facing the Battles: Marriage & More

As I’ve mentioned in past blogs, my husband Dave & I have felt like were entering into a rougher phase of marriage where we are intentionally facing some of our issues.  To use a battle analogy, it felt like we spent weeks & weeks talking about the battle we were heading into.  Weeks & weeks of discussing what our action plan was, getting a strategy together and determining desired outcomes.  It felt like weeks of getting dressed up in our finest battle gear: shield, helmet & sword.

But, the more we talked about us running off to battle together the more our language turned from focusing on our problems against each other to dealing with our marriage together, as a united front.  It seemed like we ran off holding hands running to battle with our swords up on the front line, all riled up and no one was there to fight.  Then we looked at each other and said, “who are we fighting again?” “Oh! Yes, each other.”

The good news is, all of this discussing how we are going to handle our problems together, has made the problems themselves seem puny in the face of such an opponent as, ‘us.’

The other dynamic that came into play is the “situation” in our lives which I casually mention in a tweet or facebook status update now and then.  A deeply personal & stressful situation with some people Dave & I both love a great deal.  It’s been difficult for me in particular and I’m thinking the rage of 3rd trimester pregnancy hormones hasn’t helped one bit in offering me any sort of sane or hopeful perspective to my all ready glass-is-half-empty way of viewing life.

No matter what problems I may have had with Dave even a month ago have been overshadowed by the ways he has completely risen to this situation, providing leadership, strength, perspective, prayer and proactive engagement which, friends, I just have not been able to do for myself.

There have literally been times I’ll be falling asleep mid-sentence -out of sheer stress- while Dave is brainstorming strategies and drawing out mindmaps to figure out what the exact next steps should be.  The issues are severe and deal not only with an abuser and the mentally ill but also homelessness & poverty.  We are trying to step in with appropriate healthy boundaries and rescue without enabling poor behavior.  It’s a completely befuddling challenge to go through and my husband has been my knight in shining armor.

And on top of all that, there’s been God.  It’s one of those seasons of prayers that revolve a lot around the prayer “help.”

And then there are those prayers that are so painfully specific it leaves me wondering if God thinks I’m absolutely redonkulous for even asking.  Prayers like, “God, when I say this __________ to this person, I need for you to so move in their heart that they respond in this way ___________ because if they don’t I will either a) hurt the person b) be very mad or c) just want to throw my hands in and give up completely on this person.  Can you do this for me or not God?  Because we both know it’s in their best interest, so just trust me on this one, God.”

The crazy thing is, yall, (and I really shouldn’t find this crazy by now) but God has answered 99.9% of the prayers that we have asked regarding this situation in the last month.  He’s answered so many really eerily specific requests as well that I’ve been left in awe at His faithfulness to us.  I’ve just felt very cared for by God.

So, while it’s been a hard season in knowing Dave & I still have the marriage issues to face and we are still in the thick of the ‘rescue’ I haven’t doubted that God will be with us and carry us through it, even offering us peace which is beyond human reasoning.

After today’s ongoing stress producing cry inducing events I am more convinced in these two truths: 1. I have a good husband whose integrity & character continues to be a source of peace to our lives & 2.  God is our God who is with Dave & I and will never leave us.  The idea that Dave, Ransom, our house, our money –all of it— could be gone in an instant, but God will still be right there with me, offering love & peace is as real to me as ever.  I’m so thankful for that guarantee.  Life has been worse and I can’t look back on one single time God wasn’t completely faithful.

But that’s not the situation I’m in.  I haven’t been overcome by adversity so join me in praying that Dave & I will be faithful to deal with the issues we know need to face no matter how difficult or scary they may be.  The battle really isn’t ours, it’s Gods.  I just need a little faith where honestly, sometimes, well, I am scared to death.